Current Mood: Loopy & Tired

Today we were meant to have a concert at work, an entertainer. The lounge filled up with over 50 people and we were all waiting for him to turn up, but he never. So the three of us staff got our thinking hats on and decided to put together a very quick quiz but I can’t think quickly when asked to fire off random questions so I was less than helpful with that, but afterwards we had a game of sharades and we basically made everyone laugh at our expense. We thought up some TV shows, films, musicals to act out and at one time two of us had to dance around the lounge like a pair of monkeys while the senior on duty pretended to swing from an imaginary tree - tarzan. Then we were acting out ‘Last man standing’, and I was the last man, who was standing, until I fell backwards into my colleagues arms, who dropped me. =/ Well, the audience found it hysterical. They had a good laugh, they paid for stand up comedy in the first place and they ended up getting it.

Oh gawd. Today has been one of those days.

I was up early this morning and thought I had plenty of time before starting work but I still ended up rushing and leaving the house a tad late. I drive to ASDA to draw some money from the cash machine and I literally fell out of the car and stumbled onto my butt. Not many people about thankfully as it was early in the morning but there were some kids walking to school and the only thing really injured was my pride. So I get the money and drive to work.

I go into the staff room and put my bread in the toaster and make the coffees. I spill my coffee all over the floor then turn around to see the staff room full of smoke and the corridor too. I run into the corridor to open the windows and as I do I see my senior and I said, “oh Jackie, today really isn’t my day” and she says, “what’s wrong, darl’?” then she realised and ran to open some more doors but the fire alarms still went off…

The boss was there too and I explained my day to them and as I did my colleague walks in and I said, “Oh, you don’t want to work with me today!!” then they all fell about laughing. Mainly about the mental image of me falling in ASDA carpark.

I have spent the entire day catching up with myself… I thought it was the 13th then asked if it was Friday (jokingly) as it sure as heck felt like it. Gawd. Tuesday tomorrow. Please say it’ll go more smoothly…

Gtalk conversation with my boyfriend, all in jest:

Boyfriend: welsh stink like sheep. :p
Me:
Boyfriend: being english is the way to go. :p
Me: english are unintelligent because the only insult they can think of involves sheep
Boyfriend: we have steven hawking… who do you have?
Me: *holds up a banner saying YOU’RE LAME
Boyfriend: I’m MALE, I know. :p
Me: shirley bassey
Boyfriend: that’s nothing to be proud of. :p
Me: pfft

I saw this sign in the window of Peacocks (a large clothing chain in the UK), I stood there staring at it for a few minutes trying to get my head around it. So, you’re telling me, when you’re in the fitting rooms trying on garments “you may experience loud noise, vibrations and sudden movements?” *blinks*

It then finally occurred to me that the sign was referring to the referbishment happening in the shopping centre. It’s being changed totally and it’s starting to take shape. Peacocks is one of the few stores in the shopping centre that has decided to stay open when the referbishment is happening.

Stop laughing at me. Refit = Re-fit. As it, fitting clothes. Gah, made sense to me at the time anyway, felt like a right numpty.

Well, not exactly one liners, little gags, I guess - posted on a reader blog on the South Wales Argus website (linky):

1. Phone answering machine message - “…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…”

2. A bloke walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied,”I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.

7. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussle.

8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says “I’ll give you some cream to put on it.”

To view the other twelve click the link below to read full entry.

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