Hmm well I haven’t updated for a while.. first of, relating to last post, someone contacted me the other day about the traffic situation on that particular road where drivers should ‘give way’ but they don’t, they said they were going to go down the road and have a look themselves and pass it onto the traffic management team (or something) who will do something about it because I don’t care what anyone says, it IS dangerous.

Speaking of dangerous I can’t remember if I mentioned my dads ex or not… it’s a long story but basically she’s being a right bitch and is trying to make our lives hell. Tonight I was threatened, police called again. Didn’t do much, said they couldn’t do much. If I’m followed or get any trouble at all or see anyone suspicious they told me to call 999.

Still in work… just… review coming up re job share in December, haven’t a clue whats going to happen (which isn’t fair really) but I have told my boss I’ll stay on through Christmas and New Year.

Red Cross.. my name has been put forward to go on a resusication support course on sunday, one step further to being on the ambulances. I remember back last year I was allowed on the 4×4 at a racecourse and it was such fun, I was going speeding over a HUGE bump thank goodness I had a seatbelt on, shame the other red cross dude (who gave me the keys in first place) didn’t. I should have given him a head injury info card. 

Relationship… still with Callie

Pets… Snap, Crackle and Pop still don’t like me… well, Pop and Crackle are ok with me but wont let me hold them properly yet. Snap on the other hand, the white albino, is a bastard because he keeps biting me!! He bites me and I pull my hands away but the little shite is still hanging from my finger. Aw, can’t help but love ‘em though.

Family.. well my mum wants to have another baby so who knows… maybe I’ll have a little brother/sister in future… my dad isn’t too bad, uncle is having relationship problems and has been living in a car, he moved back to England but we’ve told him there’s a spare bed here if he wants to crash for a few nights or something.

So.. there ya are.

Current Mood: Loopy

*SIGH*

OMG. v_v That flaming, pigging, ring has been driving me absolutely mental the past few weeks.  My dad went to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring and she loved it but didn’t want anyone knowing by looking at her hand she was engaged at the moment and she didn’t want to wear it on another finger… so we (as in dad and I) took the ring back and exchanged it for another ring with a pearl on it as a ‘friendship’ sorta thing but it was the wrong size… so we take it back but it didn’t have THAT ring in the right size in stock and for some reason was unable to resize it… so we picked another ring and the size we took was one size too big but thought “maybe it’ll fit her”, but it didn’t… so we took it back and it was resized but it came back the wrong size… again… error on our part… so we had enough and got our money back and went to another shop…

We picked a ring in another shop and it was lovely, it was one size too big (i think, or too small..) so they resized it… my dads girlfriend was convinced it was second hand (it wasn’t..) and didn’t want it so we took it back, seeing as it was resized they wouldn’t give us a refund or anything but we saw a ring in the window that was nice and we had to come home and go back because dads girlfriend still had the ring… we came home and she popped by and dropped the ring in and we went straight back into town… the new ring in the shop costs a bit less than the other one so we bought a pair of earrings to match… the ring is a size too small and is being resized and we gotta go pick it up on Wednesday…

PLEASE OH PLEASE SAY THIS RING WILL DO!!!!
PLLLLLLEASE!!!!

That’s the latest episode of Gerbil Life over and done with… now it’s time for my life…

Well… I’ll tell you one thing that’s on my mind a lot, first. My job!! *sighs* I am on a 3 month job share and it started earlier this month. The other day I got my payslip and OMG I had such a shock, I’m getting a lot less than I thought I would be… my basic pay is something stupid and all the overtime I did last month I don’t get until next month. Due to direct debits I have a good few hundred going out of my account each month, a day after I get paid, now I’m left with very little of it. I have been thinking a lot about it and am considering going for another job. The one I’m in now, sure I enjoy it and I love my colleagues, but it’s dead-end. The pay isn’t all that grand either, to be honest.

My dad has been talking a lot about his girlfriend and I’m pretty much tired of it. I haven’t said, I keep my mouth zipped but she’s all he talks about, he’s worse than a love struck teenager. Hehe It’s nice and all that that they love each other like they do but gee…

I tidied my room too! Shock, horror. The thing is, it’s nice when it’s done but how long does it last?? We have a decent sized house but have so much stuff here, many of which we don’t use. Dad and I were talking about holding a bootsale yesterday and it’s a good idea. He said he’ll talk to his girlfriend about it, because she goes to a lot of bootsales.

Anyway I’m doing washing at the moment… when my step-mum died a few years ago I had to learn everything from scratch. How to do washing, cooking etc… because her good nature meant she wouldn’t let us. I have been using tablets in the washing but today I put washing powder in the machine and I’m getting visions now of the whole kitchen floor being flooded with soap. I washed it once this morning, but I guess another wash wouldn’t do it any harm…

I know I said I’d post an update last night but I really didn’t feel like it, but I’ll write up a quick one now…

Family Life

Well I don’t know where to start, really. It would be my step-mums birthday today and I’m finding that alone hard to deal with. We were going to go to the cemetery today but we didn’t because the weather has been so appauling her grave is right up the top of the cemetery and my dad won’t be able to get there, so we’re hoping to go tomorrow. I come from from town this morning to see my dad with his head in his arms and his voice ‘hidden’ like he was going to cry. I asked him what was wrong, thinking it was to do with my stepmum’s birthday, but he said his ‘lady friend’ has asked him to marry him.

Oh yes, his lady friend. He told me not so long ago he is seeing someone else, and has been seeing her for 3 months, but neglected to tell me in worry of how I’d react. She is in her thirties and she is a nice girl but it did come as a shock and I am finding it hard to adjust to, not that I’m telling my dad that. I’ve given dad the impression I am perfectly fine with his relationship with her, but on the inside, I’m not as comfortable as I make out to be. It’s not so much the age difference, it’s the whole new relationship thing, I don’t know, maybe I sound selfish or something. Anyway to hear my dad say she wants to get married… it came as a shock. My dad hasn’t said yes or no, he said he’ll think it over. But today of all days! What a day to bring that up.

My mum hasn’t been in contact with me for a while. Did I mention she moved house and didn’t even tell me? I only found out via passing conversation with her boyfriend’s mum. We were just generally chatting (I see her at work quite a bit) and she said “… your mum sounds happy in her new house… ” …. wow, wow, woooow… hang on, she’s moved?? I’d have thought she’d have told me. So I contacted her and she said she has moved and gave me her address.

Callum and I are still going strong (and yes, I put him in family life because he is a part of my family!). We went to London last weekend to see some friends and we had a great time. We’ve been together almost 1 and half years now.

Work life

Errrrrrrrm…. well, my contract should have been up 8th August but I’m still working full time as the decision about the job share hasn’t come through yet from the ‘top bosses’ and I’m just taking it week by week now. The girl I’m covering for should have returned on the 11th but she doesn’t want to work full time so she’s been taking leave. It’s week by week. I should hear back next week (well, I should have head back last week…). My boss can’t do anymore, it’s the continuation of the waiting game! It doesn’t look good though, from what my boss has said about the council and fact that the girl I’m covering isn’t willing to cover me if I’m off on the sick or on leave… the council may well not accept the application for a job share, as it’s not 50-50. I hate being left haning like this, it’s really unfair.

Red Cross

Well I did a few shifts at the Eisteddfod last week and it went well… my fave was covering the concert in the Pavillion, it was a music concert and I met Cerys Matthews However, by the time Monday got here I was totally exhausted. The last week really caught up with me.

Ok quick rundown… the second day of the course went really well and was interesting. We were acting in senarios involving face-to-face and on the phone. One person had to be the supporter and the other, the supported. When I was the supporter on the phone I had to support someone who had money problems and thought his wife had lost her job as she was being secretive. When I was the supported, I had to act as a student who lost a friend in a terrorist bomb attack. As for face-to-face… I had to support someone who wanted to be a model but they were involved in a bad accident and left with loads of scars effecting their self confidence and lead to depression. When I was being supported, I had to act as an elderly lady who’s house had burnt down and she had lost all her possessions, and was especially upset about losing the money she had saved up. It was an interesting course.

I had the week off work last week… went to Barry Island on Monday with my dad and went to Weston Super Mare with my dad & Callum on Thursday.

On Saturday Callum and I went to London to an SF meetup and we both had SUCH a great time!! We met at Waterloo, sat by the embankment then headed to a pub where we just chatted and chillaxed. The meet was awesome and afterwards 6 of us had a sleepover and we were up until gone 4am. Callum and I boarded a train at 9am and we got back to Newport at 2:30pm. I felt sorry for Callum because he had to get another train back to Swindon.

I was going to take dad out for a meal for father’s day but the place we were going to go to stops serving food at 4pm so dad asked if we could have a takeaway instead. We both had a sirloin steak for £6.30 and it came with chips & salad. HUGE!!! Couldn’t eat half of it.

Back to work today, usual dramas! Am tired, but drinking coffee and eating bourbon biscuits so it’s ok.

Well today I went to the Red Cross course and it was pretty interesting. I got there *just* in time. I went to town to book train tickets for next weekend and August (I’m going to London) at 8am but the ticket office was closed. I then went to Greggs and got something for breakfast (as my stomach rumbles which would be embarrassing in the quiet room on the course…) and I got my dad a sausage roll. So I drove home, got out of the car, opened the front door put the sausage roll on the living room table, jumped back in the car and it took me 3 minutes to get from my house to the training centre (it’s only up the road), which is a good convieniance!

So ya the course, it’s about emotional support. The trainer was a counsellor which was helpful and she described to us the stages of reaction after a crisis, how people feel etc, how to prepare ourselves, first words, body language etc, listening skills, empathy etc. We were given case studies and we were asked how we’d help and what the people involved would want us to do if they’re in a crisis like their house has burnt down, like provide shelter, contact relatives/friends, insurance companies, arrange outside support etc. It was really interesting.

Part 2 tomorrow. Putting theory into practice and completing the last two modules.

I went to train station after the course finished today and got the tickets. Soooo confusing, but the assistant was really helpful. I should have booked the two journeys separately but decided to book at same time. Anyway it’s all done now which is great. I’m meeting some friends next weekend in London and meeting some more in London in August. Weeeeeeeee.

Another note, I have this pea sized ‘lump’ towards the bottom of the left of my face, left side of the jaw, I guess. I can move the lump around with my fingers and it’s a bit sore if I move it. It’s been there for aaaages but I forgot all about it until today when I was rubbing my face in that area and I remembered it again. I doubt it’s anything. Hasn’t changed in size, as far as I can tell. Just don’t know what it is.

As for the neighbour, while I was at the course he cut the grass in the garden and is repairing the fence!! He doesn’t take no for an answer not that we mind, it’s just, he’s not accepting anything in return and he’s being so kind. Tonight he knocked the door and gave me some curry and rice for dad, but dad had already eaten. Hehe.  He insisted though and I put it in the fridge.

Well yesterday many of the tenants went on a trip to Brecon, including my colleague, so the evening shift at work was pretty quiet as it was only the senior and I on duty. They returned home by coach at 8:30pm and we helped them off the coach. Everyone was in high spirits, the weather had been beautiful all day and they had a nice day out but one of the tenants came back a little bit drunk, to say the least. Hehe. I was the ‘barmaid’ in the bar and I didn’t serve her anymore alcohol, I asked if she’d like a coffee instead and she said yes so I gave her a coffee - on the house.

All evening she was talking about death! And she was saying the typical drunk thing to her friend, ya know, “haund on heart now… right…? you are the besh swheetist pershon i have ever met.. right?” Hehe.

Anyhoo that was interesting. Tomorrow and Sunday I am on a Red Cross course, “providing emotional support” aka. PES for the Emergency Response. It’s a two day course and my first aid coordinator (who is also very involved with emergency response) said they have some good actors to help our training tomorrow.

My dad has a chest infection, the doctor was here earlier and prescribed some medication for him. I said I don’t mind not going to the course this weekend but her was adiment he wanted me to go. It’s 9pm - 4pm but I’ll be phoning to see how he is and one of the nieghbours will keep an eye on him.

Oh, and speaking of nieghbours!!! Anyone who remembers me talking about how horrible one of my neighbours (in particular) are? Well, they’ve gone away for two weeks (hurray!!) aaaaand… there’s a guy staying there who cleaned up all their litter from our garden without being asked (hurray!!) aaaand… he said if we want anything anytime feel free to ask! HURRAY!!! There’s actually a DECENT person staying in that house. HURRAY!!!!

Whenever I’m around families I can’t help but feel envious. The families that are solid, get on well together and have a good bond. The families that are supportive with each other and encourage. The families that give us space when we want it but at the same time they’re there whenever you have a problem. I wish so badly my family was like that but instead we were/are lightly strung together. The only strong bond was my step-mum, since she passed away in 2006, it’s just been so difficult.

I understand all families are complicated, and it’s not always plain sailing. Life is a bumpy path on it’s own but family life and upbringing have a lot to do with the life we end up leading.

When I think back to my childhood, I don’t have a fountain of happy memories. When I think back to my childhood, I’m plagued by memories consisting of shouting, arguing, accusing and name calling. Things being thrown, people being hit to the floor, me crying under the table, running after my mother bare foot down the street, begging her to come back (even though she was the starter of many of the rows), being torn between parents, social workers and meetings and being afraid to sleep, incase I woke up in the morning to not be home, but in care.

My mum didn’t realise her own strength, she hit my dad to the floor and a family friend to the floor too, a guy who lived with us for 20 years, I knew him all my life and it broke my heart when we couldn’t move house with us, his brother moved him into a nursing home type place, we kept in contact, but then the home shut down and all the people were moved to other locations. We tried to track Harry down and we did… a week after he died… and the worst thing was, we found out he was living only 10 minutes away from us.

I’ve never really felt comfortable talking to my parents, if I needed to talk then I’d speak to my step-mum and at times I could talk to my dad, too. But now I really feel like I cannot talk to any of my parents (dad nor real mum, considering step-mum has died). My real mum never really paid much of an interest until I was old enough to look after myself, and my dad he doesn’t seem all that interested at all and these days in particular I find him quick to fly off the handle, I’d rather keep my mouth zipped than have to go through rows etc.

After my step-mums death, it made me realise that she was a backbone, because after she died everything family-wise really did crumble into pieces. Every single day is a struggle and I really do mean that, no exaggerate. When she died, a piece of me went with her and I constantly feel empty.

It wasn’t all bad,If I think back hard, I can remember some good time, but the bad times seem to cast a cloud over them. Regardless, I wouldn’t say my mum and dad are bad people, I still love them both, always have, I just sometimes look at other families and think, “why couldn’t it be like that for us?”

I’m sorry if this sounds like self pity, I don’t mean for it to sound that way at all. I understand this is the life I’ve been dealt, and so be it, I just can’t help but feel sad sometimes when I see the typical mum, dad, and kids who get on well with each other and have such a great bond between each other.

Rightio, as promised, here’s an entry about my birthday… I picked Callum up at the train station on Monday night and he stayed until Wednesday morning. Tuesday started off terrible. Within the first 10 minutes of me getting out of bed I was crying over something really stupid but then when I got to work everything went ok. I got quite a few cards off my colleagues plus some birthday money and a few cards off the tenants. Received hugs too which was awesome.

I finished my board in the morning - checking how tenants are and taking lunch orders - came back to staff room and the deputy presents me with a bouquet of flowers delivered to the complex - from my dad. Beautiful!!

The 29th was also a tenants birthday and last thing I wanted was to steal his thunder so I didn’t mention anything, but at lunch, after the announcement of the tenants birthday and after we sang happy birthday to him, I noticed my colleague walking over to my senior and whispering in my ear. *Bangs cup on the table three times* “We have another announcement… !” Uh-hu. A tad embarrassing! =)

Came home from work and I go to lay down for a few minutes (was exhausted), Callum told me to shut my eyes and he walks into the room and presents me with a cute teddy bear, a box of thorntons chocolates, a little card with a poem on it and a bunch of roses. Aww…. !!! Oh, he also bought me a photography magazine. =D

The weather in the afternoon was absolutely pants, dad, Callum and I were going to go out for a meal but dad didn’t feel like going out due to weather so Callum and I went for a pizza and then went to cinema to watch 27 Dresses - a chick flick, but it was actually pretty good! It starred Katherine Heigl. Heck, I’d do anything to have her figure. Got back home at 10pm, a full day. =)

Here’s that much awaited update

Well, now it comes down to it I’m not actually sure what to say. I had my blood test done on Friday afternoon. The nurse who stole my blood was actually really nice and kept talking to me throughout but I was fine. Sitting in the waiting room they have these screens that show the name of the patient and what room they need go into it and what doctor they are going to see. It was somewhat amusing sitting there watching the names because some of them sound or looked (or both) so silleh. “She doesn’t look like a Gladys Cadenhead”

I went to Swindon on Friday and stayed until Sunday. Woke up at 6am on Sunday morning and it was covered in snow. There must have been subliminal messages because everyone woke up in the house at that time… on a Sunday… strange goings on. Ok that sounded like I slept from Friday to Sunday morning. Haha. Nada. I took some photos while I was there and Callum, his dad and mum and I all went out for a meal on Sunday afternoon as well as having a little shop in TK Maxx, his mum and I went handbag shopping.

So ya, came home on Sunday, ready for work on Monday. House M.D Season 3 arrived from Amazon on Saturday.. would you believe it… it’s almost Tuesday, and I haven’t watched the whole DVD boxset yet?