• profileHey everyone! Welcome to my little world. This blog is basically about my life; my work, voluntering, thoughts and feeling and the occasional rant. I also share my photography and photoshop creations If you're bored enough to read more about me, check out the 'about me' page! =)

    January 2009
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Funerals

Hmm well… on the weekend I found out my aunty died on Christmas Eve and my mum asked if I could go to a little family get together this evening and I said I would. She said my ‘grandad’ would be there and I was a little hesitant because I can’t say we really get on all that great, never have, but I tried to put my feelings about it to the side, if I didn’t go my mum would be upset and it’s a little get together to remember my aunt by, from what I thought, anyway. Also, my Uncle G would be there, and he was travelling all the way from Australia, I had never met him before and it would be a great chance to.

Anyway… this evening I was umm’ing and arr’ing whether to go or not. I really didn’t want to because I didn’t want to be in the same room as my grandad, and I just didn’t feel up to going anyway. I was talking to Callum and he was trying to make me decide and in the end after a lot of fussing about, I decided to.

As soon as I walked in the room I was greeted by my Uncle K (aunts husband) and Uncle G (from Australia), both of them were lovely but Uncle K was a little quiet which was understandable. He was really upset because of my auns death, he said it was unexpected but we didn’t know when the funeral is, I didn’t want to ask. No one knew, don’t think a dates been arranged yet…

Anyway, mu ‘grandad’ (and I use that term lightly) was a total pig towards me, he didn’t say hello or ackowledge my presence at all. I tried to talk to him but he was ignoring what I said, when he asked a question to the group and I answered, he asked it again to the others, pretending like he didn’t hear me or whatever. He didn’t look at me. Didn’t say anything to me. It was like I just wasn’t there. First I was upset and embarrassed, then I just stopped trying and waited for him to talk to me. Ha. As if that was going to happen.

My mum keeps saying “he’s changed, he wants to get to know you, he misses you” etc…. it’s a load of rubbish. He doesn’t care. He never has. He has dislike me from the minute I was born and I don’t know why?? Because I “stole” his daughter, what sort of reason is that to hold a grudge for 20 years. I thought perhaps there was a slight possibilty we could move on from it all, how wrong I was.

*Sighs* Anyway… what family ISN’T complicated.

So now that’s two funerals I’m going to. One on Friday (my uncle R, from my dads side, who died the weekend before Christmas) and Aunty P, from my mums side, who died on Christmas eve. Bad end to the year, and a bad start.




Hiyaz

Sorry for lack of updates I have just been sooo busy and such. The rally went really well and this last weekend I was in London and had an awesome time. This week I had a really nasty chest and ended up being on the sick from work. Today my chest is feeling a lot better than goodness although I have them dreaded ‘lady pains’ so this week has generally sucked when it comes to my physical health. I do feel really, really tired today though… my immune system has taken a beating.

Tomorrow I am back in work, my contract actually ends today so I am back to casual relief tomorrow… the woman I’m covering for is meant to return off the sick but I don’t know all the details, all I know is she isn’t in tomorrow.

Anyway just thought I’d make an entry to let ya’ll know I wasn’t dead. I’ll write a proper entry tonight or tomorrow.. probably tomorrow when I feel more ‘with it’.

See ya. x




Hiyaz

Sorry for lack of updates I have just been sooo busy and such. The rally went really well and this last weekend I was in London and had an awesome time. This week I had a really nasty chest and ended up being on the sick from work. Today my chest is feeling a lot better than goodness although I have them dreaded ‘lady pains’ so this week has generally sucked when it comes to my physical health. I do feel really, really tired today though… my immune system has taken a beating.

Tomorrow I am back in work, my contract actually ends today so I am back to casual relief tomorrow… the woman I’m covering for is meant to return off the sick but I don’t know all the details, all I know is she isn’t in tomorrow.

Anyway just thought I’d make an entry to let ya’ll know I wasn’t dead. I’ll write a proper entry tonight or tomorrow.. probably tomorrow when I feel more ‘with it’.

See ya. x




An Update

I know I said I’d post an update last night but I really didn’t feel like it, but I’ll write up a quick one now…

Family Life

Well I don’t know where to start, really. It would be my step-mums birthday today and I’m finding that alone hard to deal with. We were going to go to the cemetery today but we didn’t because the weather has been so appauling her grave is right up the top of the cemetery and my dad won’t be able to get there, so we’re hoping to go tomorrow. I come from from town this morning to see my dad with his head in his arms and his voice ‘hidden’ like he was going to cry. I asked him what was wrong, thinking it was to do with my stepmum’s birthday, but he said his ‘lady friend’ has asked him to marry him.

Oh yes, his lady friend. He told me not so long ago he is seeing someone else, and has been seeing her for 3 months, but neglected to tell me in worry of how I’d react. She is in her thirties and she is a nice girl but it did come as a shock and I am finding it hard to adjust to, not that I’m telling my dad that. I’ve given dad the impression I am perfectly fine with his relationship with her, but on the inside, I’m not as comfortable as I make out to be. It’s not so much the age difference, it’s the whole new relationship thing, I don’t know, maybe I sound selfish or something. Anyway to hear my dad say she wants to get married… it came as a shock. My dad hasn’t said yes or no, he said he’ll think it over. But today of all days! What a day to bring that up.

My mum hasn’t been in contact with me for a while. Did I mention she moved house and didn’t even tell me? I only found out via passing conversation with her boyfriend’s mum. We were just generally chatting (I see her at work quite a bit) and she said “… your mum sounds happy in her new house… ” …. wow, wow, woooow… hang on, she’s moved?? I’d have thought she’d have told me. So I contacted her and she said she has moved and gave me her address.

Callum and I are still going strong (and yes, I put him in family life because he is a part of my family!). We went to London last weekend to see some friends and we had a great time. We’ve been together almost 1 and half years now.

Work life

Errrrrrrrm…. well, my contract should have been up 8th August but I’m still working full time as the decision about the job share hasn’t come through yet from the ‘top bosses’ and I’m just taking it week by week now. The girl I’m covering for should have returned on the 11th but she doesn’t want to work full time so she’s been taking leave. It’s week by week. I should hear back next week (well, I should have head back last week…). My boss can’t do anymore, it’s the continuation of the waiting game! It doesn’t look good though, from what my boss has said about the council and fact that the girl I’m covering isn’t willing to cover me if I’m off on the sick or on leave… the council may well not accept the application for a job share, as it’s not 50-50. I hate being left haning like this, it’s really unfair.

Red Cross

Well I did a few shifts at the Eisteddfod last week and it went well… my fave was covering the concert in the Pavillion, it was a music concert and I met Cerys Matthews However, by the time Monday got here I was totally exhausted. The last week really caught up with me.




Top 10 Fave Songs (at the moment)

My top 10 favourite songs at the moment are…

  1. Nightmare (Sinister Strings Mix) - Brainbug
  2. I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing - Areosmith
  3. I Walk Beside You - Dream Theater
  4. Children - Robert Miles
  5. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
  6. Shatter - Feeder
  7. Us Against The World - Westlife
  8. Who Are You - The Who
  9. 4am Forever - Lostprophets
  10. Tears From The Moon - Conjure One