Chasing Cars (No, not Snow Patrol)

Oh before I forget, here’s the link to fireworks photos I took on Bonfire Night: http://www.esteedphotography.com/2009/11/05/bonfire-night/

I’ve been really busy lately with everything. As I type my dad is talking about his girlfriend and it would be nice to spend an hour with him and not hear him talk about her. She is the cause of a lot of our problems although he fails to realise it, and it makes me so angry sometimes I just need to bite my tongue.

Well I start my new job this week. I had the induction last Friday and it was so indepth, so much to remember, just hope I can cope with it! I was given a HUGE folder to look through, as well as some forms to keep and I have sorted them out ready for my first round, visiting the clients in their home. I’m a little nervous, a little excited, also a little upset because I won’t be working at the sheltered housing scheme as much any more, it’s looking uncertain as to whether I can return there actually. I did enjoy the job, but I guess everyone needs to move on sometime. I need to focus on my college and at the same time generate enough income to keep the house running, it’s a heck of a lot on my mind.

Toby is laying beside me right now falling asleep on my lap (squeezing his head between my laptop and my belly), he’s so adorable. Although at the moment he’s got a thing with chasing cars and it is a bit concerning… thankfully he’s been on the lead when he goes to run after them so I can hold him back, but I hope he grows out of it soon because it’s not good! I think he developed it because of his chasing squirrels (just let out a little snort as it reminded me of the recently released movie, ‘Up’ – “SQUIRRELS!!” … er what’s she on? I hear you ask, watch the film you’ll understand)

Anyway I’m going to go to the Red Cross meeting now, think I got the First Aid updates due, plus we’ll be discussing the trauma management course next weekend I think, am looking forward to that. Exhausting weekend but a huge learning experience.

See ya.

Tags: college, jobs, pets, red cross

Bonfire Night

I have chocolate on my laptop. Ain’t that typical. I am half tempted to lick it as I LURVE chocolate but that would be just gross.

So yeah back to college now and to say it’s giving me a headache is an understatement. I’m finding Chemistry incredibly difficult at the moment and spent practically all day yesterday trying to get my head around ‘moles’, molecular masses and how to calculate volume of moles in a solution and basically hardcore chemistry. No faffing about this is the core of what chemistry is all about and it’s so difficult!!

To make matters worse I have a new job (yay me!), but it means I will need to miss two lessons coming up so that I can attend a training course I need to go on, two lessons doesn’t sound like much but it is really. I do study a lot outside of the class though which is in my favour.

Jim came down last night and it’s so good to see him again, it really is. I miss him a lot when he’s away and I just feel much more content when he is here. He bought us a curry earlier which definitely warmed us up in this cold weather and now dad and Jim are watching the footy while I go out every now and then, taking photos of the fireworks as it’s Bonfire Night.

If the photos are any good, I’ll upload them.

Toby was managing well with the fireworks until about 30 minutes ago and now he is shaking like a leaf. Poor little thing. I’m finding it hard to type as he is sitting next to me on the sofa, leaning against my arm, just now he was laying by me trying to get his head under the laptop to hide. He’s getting a lot of cuddles tonight.

Tags: college, life, pets

I’m OK

Siiiiigh… I feel bad. It’s half term and I should be studying but it’s a matter of finding the time. I’m working practially all this week. I was working monday, Tuesday, training course today and tomorrow, then working Friday, Saturday and Sunday – then back in college on monday. Time just whizzes by and while I’m glad to be doing things and I also like being in work, there’s part of my brain nagging saying I shouldn’t, but debts can’t pay by themselves.

Toby is sitting behind me on this chair – when will he realise this chair is for one person? I’m too soft, I know I am. But he’s so gawd damn cute I can’t help myself.

I dunno I’m juggling quite a bit and I’ve got so much going on in my head it makes me feel down but I’m trying to keep my head up, keep smiling, and keep saying “I’m OK”.

Tags: college, feelings, pets

Toby Pics

Here’s some photos of Toby as promised – Had work to get him to keep still! In the end had to bribe with treats.

Cars and stufffff

Yesterday I booked my car in for a winter checkup. Here’s a link to the leaflet. I use my car a lot these days, work, red cross, general driving around, she last had an MOT in April which is a good few months ago and thought it would be good to check her over see if she’s ok, also getting the winter kit which is a few quid itself!

I had to drive to the pet shop today. Gerbils. Lovely cute little things aren’t they? They are little bastards that bite through anything. When I bought them I didn’t realise I’d need to kit out the cage every few weeks. Haha They have chewed through the plastic on one of the tubes, attachment to the food bowl, attachment to their vitamin tablet thingy, their bed. Oh, and me. My poor fingers. I buy them wooden toys so they can bite them for their teeth, but they still bite bite bite. The white one is using the exercise wheel at the moment, good too considering the chocolate dad gives them!

I got my one months notice through the post today, the other woman is taking the job full time… see what happens there.

Anyway, I have a headache. Got the resus support course tomorrow, hope I feel more enthusiastic tomorrow.

Tags: car, gerbils, life, pets, work/careers

Hiyaz

Hmm well I haven’t updated for a while.. first of, relating to last post, someone contacted me the other day about the traffic situation on that particular road where drivers should ‘give way’ but they don’t, they said they were going to go down the road and have a look themselves and pass it onto the traffic management team (or something) who will do something about it because I don’t care what anyone says, it IS dangerous.

Speaking of dangerous I can’t remember if I mentioned my dads ex or not… it’s a long story but basically she’s being a right bitch and is trying to make our lives hell. Tonight I was threatened, police called again. Didn’t do much, said they couldn’t do much. If I’m followed or get any trouble at all or see anyone suspicious they told me to call 999.

Still in work… just… review coming up re job share in December, haven’t a clue whats going to happen (which isn’t fair really) but I have told my boss I’ll stay on through Christmas and New Year.

Red Cross.. my name has been put forward to go on a resusication support course on sunday, one step further to being on the ambulances. I remember back last year I was allowed on the 4×4 at a racecourse and it was such fun, I was going speeding over a HUGE bump thank goodness I had a seatbelt on, shame the other red cross dude (who gave me the keys in first place) didn’t. I should have given him a head injury info card. 

Relationship… still with Callie

Pets… Snap, Crackle and Pop still don’t like me… well, Pop and Crackle are ok with me but wont let me hold them properly yet. Snap on the other hand, the white albino, is a bastard because he keeps biting me!! He bites me and I pull my hands away but the little shite is still hanging from my finger. Aw, can’t help but love ‘em though.

Family.. well my mum wants to have another baby so who knows… maybe I’ll have a little brother/sister in future… my dad isn’t too bad, uncle is having relationship problems and has been living in a car, he moved back to England but we’ve told him there’s a spare bed here if he wants to crash for a few nights or something.

So.. there ya are.

Tags: family, gerbils, jobs/careers, life, people, pets, red cross, thoughts

Gerbil Life

Heylo, no I haven’t disappeared from the land of Earth, I’m still here.

Weeeeeell… I after thinking about it I decided to call the gerbils Snap, Crackle and Pop. Snap being the white albino who bit the first (the little bugger). Crackle being the grey one and Pop being the ginger one. They are so cute, but I am yet to conquer their trust and have them to actually crawl on my hand instead of biting it. It bloody hurts when they bite! The other day I held a piece of wood in my hands (they chew wood), but Crackle decided to bite my finger instead! His brother is a bad influence…

I put a wheel in their home the other day, bought it on Ebay and they love it, but Snap and Crackle fight over it, or should I say, in it. Crackle spends quite a bit of time in there and when Snap comes along to have a go they have a bit of a tiff and usually Snap admits defeat and climbs out until Crackle is gone. Pop on the other hand is a little bugger because when one of his brothers is in there, he goes in there and has his say and the other one gets out, but all Pop does is look around for about 5 seconds then he’s out of there himself! I bet Snap and Crackle got mad at him for that.

It’s hard to say who the dominant one is, but I see Crackle doing a lot of the grooming, especially to Pop.

They’re so cute!

Tags: pets

3 new Gerbils

I bought 3 gerbils this morning and went to buy the cage but they didn’t have the right one in stock so I was sent to another store in Cwmbran. Note to self – never drive to Cwmbran again!

It has a huge shopping complex consisting of 200 shops and it spans out quite a large area. Car spaces shouldn’t be a problem with 4,000 of them available but it’s always jam packed, even today, a Sunday. I parked the car and tried to find the pet store but couldn’t. In the process got lost and couldn’t find my ca. Finally found the car and found the pet store then struggled to take the cage, food plus bedding etc back to my car and my left arm was *really* hurting afterwards, still feels weird.

Anyway, long story short – I have three gerbils. Male gerbils. So cute!! Now it’s a matter of names…

• Dot, Spot and Scott (slip of the tongue could very well happen here…)
• Peanut, Butter and Jelly
• Thunder, Lightning and Bolt
• Fish, Chips and Peas
• Sun, Sky and Star
• Snap, Crackle and Pop

Hmm.

Tags: life, pets, thoughts

Families

Whenever I’m around families I can’t help but feel envious. The families that are solid, get on well together and have a good bond. The families that are supportive with each other and encourage. The families that give us space when we want it but at the same time they’re there whenever you have a problem. I wish so badly my family was like that but instead we were/are lightly strung together. The only strong bond was my step-mum, since she passed away in 2006, it’s just been so difficult.

I understand all families are complicated, and it’s not always plain sailing. Life is a bumpy path on it’s own but family life and upbringing have a lot to do with the life we end up leading.

When I think back to my childhood, I don’t have a fountain of happy memories. When I think back to my childhood, I’m plagued by memories consisting of shouting, arguing, accusing and name calling. Things being thrown, people being hit to the floor, me crying under the table, running after my mother bare foot down the street, begging her to come back (even though she was the starter of many of the rows), being torn between parents, social workers and meetings and being afraid to sleep, incase I woke up in the morning to not be home, but in care.

My mum didn’t realise her own strength, she hit my dad to the floor and a family friend to the floor too, a guy who lived with us for 20 years, I knew him all my life and it broke my heart when we couldn’t move house with us, his brother moved him into a nursing home type place, we kept in contact, but then the home shut down and all the people were moved to other locations. We tried to track Harry down and we did… a week after he died… and the worst thing was, we found out he was living only 10 minutes away from us.

I’ve never really felt comfortable talking to my parents, if I needed to talk then I’d speak to my step-mum and at times I could talk to my dad, too. But now I really feel like I cannot talk to any of my parents (dad nor real mum, considering step-mum has died). My real mum never really paid much of an interest until I was old enough to look after myself, and my dad he doesn’t seem all that interested at all and these days in particular I find him quick to fly off the handle, I’d rather keep my mouth zipped than have to go through rows etc.

After my step-mums death, it made me realise that she was a backbone, because after she died everything family-wise really did crumble into pieces. Every single day is a struggle and I really do mean that, no exaggerate. When she died, a piece of me went with her and I constantly feel empty.

It wasn’t all bad,If I think back hard, I can remember some good time, but the bad times seem to cast a cloud over them. Regardless, I wouldn’t say my mum and dad are bad people, I still love them both, always have, I just sometimes look at other families and think, “why couldn’t it be like that for us?”

I’m sorry if this sounds like self pity, I don’t mean for it to sound that way at all. I understand this is the life I’ve been dealt, and so be it, I just can’t help but feel sad sometimes when I see the typical mum, dad, and kids who get on well with each other and have such a great bond between each other.

Tags: family, feelings, life, people, thoughts

Holidays & Concerts

I’ve been meaning to type up an entry for a few days now but I’ve just been so tired I haven’t had the energy. This morning, though, it’s not even 10am and I’ve started the washing, completed some paperwork for work and pensions etc, and phoned up the agency I’ve booked an apartment though to confirm a few details. What did I just say? Yes, I’m going on a holiday! (hopefully)

Well, I have some annual leave I need to get rid of before the end of March, I have around 11 days to take off so I’m putting in a request for the week off between 29th February – 7th March so we can go to Ilfracombe. The apartment is already booked, so I’m really hoping I’ll be able to get the time off!! When I say we, I mean, my dad, Callum and my mum. Little Snuggles will need to stay here and Mal is going to look after him while we’re away. The apartment is BEAUTIFUL!! It’s right on the seafront, too. Look through the large windows in the main living area and see the sea and you can walk onto the balcony, then go into one of the bedrooms and you get a view of the town, I think. It cost £286 for the week which I think is a great bargain. It also has an en-suite, bathroom with shower, breakfast bar and other things, too.

Last night there was an Accordion Concert at work last night and it was actually a very good band. Around 30 tenants shown up, and everyone enjoyed it. It was so good seeing people laughing and having smiles on their faces joining hands and singing. A few of the people who attended haven’t been well at all recently and have been stuck in their flat not feeling well enough to go out but last night they attended the concert and had a good time with their friends. Us staff had a good time too, although, at the end, the three of us were dragged to the front and made to join hands and sing to two of the songs. Argh. Our senior must have planned that!!

Tags: jobs/careers, life, pets