An Update

Well it’s been a few weeks since I last updated, during this time quite a bit has happened!

The weekend went really well and I totally enjoyed it, spent time with great company.

The work situation, well I heard from employers and they have given me a contract, thank goodness!!! I was really worried about it, but my boss was on my side and worked hard to keep me. I’m still casual though, and the other girl could return anytime, that leaves me a bit unsettled and because of this, I am looking for other work, and my boss does know this so I’m not doing it behind her back or anything. There was a position going in the local psychiatric hospital working with elderly people who have mental health problems but it was only 6 months temp and it wasn’t worth applying. Yeah, yeah…  I know. It’s quite ironic I was going to apply considering I probably belong in one!! If I got the job, I would have gone to my first shift and not returned home. LOL

I have my IHCD exam next weekend and to say I’m shitting myself over it is an understatement. I have been so busy studying. Today I went to work only to do my laundry and while it was drying I did some studying in the staffroom. I sent my Red Cross service manager a text asking how to remember a way to remember part of a system (boring stuff, won’t go into it here), and he replied and told me. Then a few mins later I got another text off him saying, “How are you getting on with I E S S W A E Y?” …. I replied asking what was that, and he said, “Thought that would get you – it stands for “It’s Easter Sunday So Stop Worrying And Enjoy Yourself!!” LOL

Geeze I almost choked on my orange juice, see I really do only have a small mouth. I have ran out of coffee which is a total disaster, seeing as it’s Easter no shops are open so I’ll have to suffer until tomorrow morning. WTF. This ain’t fair. Also – I have cut down my alcohol intake a lot this week!! I am trying to purify myself so I can be clear headed (ish) for my studying and exam next weekend. Although saying that I am doping myself up on anxiety tablets so perhaps I’m not all that detoxicated afterall!!

The lady I was talking about in last entry died last week, I wasn’t on shift when it happened but at least she is in peace now. I went to her funeral on Thursday and a lot of my colleagues turned up – 12 of us in total. Sadly not many relatives or friends went and it got me thinking – you live your life until you’re old, when you’re in your 80s and you end up with very little people around you. Sadly some people don’t have anyone. I hate the thought of that. It’s really sad. I guess sometimes as the saying goes – you come into this world with nothing and you leave with nothing. Although with this lady she left with our love, I have to admit there were some tears at the service. Her family did thank the staff at my workplace though for the love and care we provided in the final months of her life, they were praising us for our compassion and sometimes going beyond what our job entails to ensure she was comfortable. Anyway it was a nice service, it’s just hard having to walk past her flat when I’m doing my board now, I’m so used to walking in, her sitting in her chair watching TV then looking at me, smiling and saying, “Hiya Kid, how’re you?” RIP. x

Tags: life, red cross, thoughts, work

Work and Rushing

Today has been rush, rush, rush. I have hardly stopped. Had to go to the shops this morning and do some washing and ironing. Booked a taxi to take me to work at 2:50pm but it got here 15 mins early. Taxis are never early!!! I was upstairs in the bathroom and I hear the taxi beeping outside. Can’t a girl have a pee in peace? Haha

Anyway work was busy too and was really sad. One lady there is terminally ill (posted about her a while ago) and today she went onto the syringe driver. She refused to go on when I posted the last entry because once you go on that, that’s it. In a few days, perhaps a week or 2, you’ll most likely die. It is the last resort and is given to terminal patients who are in severe pain. This lady put it off for as long as she could but now she accepts she can’t fight anymore and the pain is just too much. I went to see her today, I see her whenever I can as do my colleagues and she was so weak she couldn’t talk, her small skeletal frame you can tell how cancer has eaten away at her body. Tonight I went to see her before I went off my shift and she was asleep, most likely won’t wake up from it. I held her small hand in mine and kissed her on the forehead. She doesn’t want to go into a hospital or hospice, wants to die at home in the company of people who love and care for her.

This lady has been so scared of dying. Wanted the pain to stop, to give up, but at the same time so frightened of what happens during and after death. Didn’t want to be left alone, we did and are doing everything we can to give her company around the clock. Now she has nightsitters, who I think are qualified nurses who can administer another painkiller when she wants it (as well as the syringe driver she is on now, but from what I understand that automatically adminsiters the morphine based medication).

At least now she is sleeping she is totally out of it and isn’t scared of the inevitable. I really would be surprised if I sign in my shift tomorrow and find out this lady is still alive. Terribly sad. I know we are support workers but we do get close to our clients using the service and we have been caring for her a lot these past few months. I think it’s going to hit all of us when it happens. All I hope for is she goes peacefully in her sleep, no more pain, no more suffering. I hope it’s not as scary as she fears it’ll be.

I’m going to bed now, night all.

Tags: life, work

Miss Forget-me-not

Current Mood: Loopy

I went to town today with the intention of:

1) Sorting out my money
2) Sending off my passport application
3) Putting a new battery in my watch

But I…

1) Forgot banks shut early on a Saturday
2) Forgot to take documents
3) Forgot to take watch.

I’m useless!

Tags: life

Two Idiots

Current Mood: Skeptical

I have had the ‘pleasure’ of being in the presence of two idiots in the last 24 hours. A plank on the motorway and my dad.

Story Of the Plank On the Motorway.

I was driving to Cardiff via the M4 late last night and it was dark (obviously). There are some major work contruction work around this part and as a result, only two lanes are operating. I was in the outside lane. In the nearside lane to the front of me, was a car and infront of him was a lorry. I saw the lorry slam on his brakes then swerve half into the next lane (one I was in) then of course the car behind hit the brakes and managed to get into the other lane thankfully there was enough room otherwise it would have been ugly! What caused this? A cyclist who has the IQ of a plank who decided to cycle on the motorway, didn’t have any lights or nothing, not that it would have made it excusable if he did. He wasn’t even cycling straight he was all over the lane, good thing the lorry driver was looking and the roads weren’t that busy otherwise there’d have definitely been a pile up.

Story of My Dad

Sigh. Where do I start? Well to sum it all up – his relationship with woman less than half his age who cannot speak much English, who’s family is taking my dad for a ride. Yeah I think that pretty much sums it up. Don’t get me wrong, the age isn’t really a bother to me but everything else is. I could rant about her family for ages but this post would end up extremely long so I’ll just include the outlines. He has known her and the family for a year and at the start they were really lovely, but then they started hinting towards money problems and we agreed to give them a loan. They promised they would start paying it back the next month but they haven’t yet, I’ve been told I’ll get a first payment this month – we’ll see. I’ve heard it before. L (dad’s fiancee) is from another country and she went there for a few months to look after a relative of hers, she kept putting off the date because she couldn’t afford the fare so my dad paid for her ticket because he missed her etc.

 The day before she is due back, her family asks if I can drive with them to Bristol Airport to pick her up, because I can talk English and may be useful if they get any problems along the way. I was ok with that. No problem. On the day, about 15 minutes BEFORE we were going to pick L up, her family ask if they can borrow my sat nav because theirs was faulty (I got it back straight after the journey, made sure of that). Asked to borrow petrol money as they didn’t have enough to get there and back (they ended up paying themselves). Dropped the bombshell that the father who was driving the car didn’t have a full UK license, only a provisional and wanted me, as a full license holder, to show my license if anything goes wrong. WHAT THE HECK!??? This really irritated me and I was certainly NOT happy. So they wanted me to go because of my English, huh? Yeah. Right. And I was born yesterday too. They are a nice family in the way that they don’t want,want,want all the time but they do expect a lot from us, and I worry my dad is falling into it.

I know they have been planning to marry for a while – L’s family had a lot to do with that, pushing my dad, he is quite content just living together or something. But now he is going for the marriage, and tonight L came by and dad asked me to go into the other room and shut the door so I couldn’t listen. I did listen. He said to L they can get married next year and he has … thousand to help them both settle down. I didn’t catch the amount, but it ended with thousand. He ust have got a loan or something because we don’t have that sort of cash. He is so besotted with her, I have bought up my concerns with him and he’s convinced L is for real. I pretend I’m “happy” when she’s here but deep down I don’t like her, and I’m getting tired of him talking about her. But he’s happy. She’s happy. I don’t know… Maybe calling my dad an idiot is a bit extreme and wrong, I just think he’s been badly sucked in and I worry he’s going to get hurt. I just don’t like the family. There’s nothing I can do about it.

Tags: driving, family, feelings, life, people, ranting, thoughts

Daily Express | UK News :: Britons swap cake for curry as our traditions die out

Daily Express | UK News :: Britons swap cake for curry as our traditions die out.

We do try to stick to a Sunday Roast (81% do) and try to have Fish’n'Chips once a week (21% do)… to be honest I was part of the 95% who didn’t know what ‘Sunday Best’ meant…  I remember playing Hopscotch etc when I was in infants school… as for conkers I didnt play with them but I knew of people who did in high school….

I do keep a diary, well, it’s kept online (well, you’re reading it) which I think a lot of people are turning to nowadays… also to add to the stats: More than half still take British seaside holidays, 47% watch pantomines, 39% celebrate Bonfire Night.

I think the article is very right saying the traditions are going to change, social networking sites, weekly curries and Sunday Shopping are definitely the ‘in’.

Tags: life, news, people

Mobiles and stuff..

Cold, so cold. The heating is on but I’m finding it so hard to warm up. It has been snowing again today but nothing really bad. It did settle for a while but it was a bit warm (not warm as in you feel the warmth, but warm enough for the snow to melt). My skin suffers during this season, I get terribly dry skin on the tops of my hands and it cracks leaving it red raw, sore and I get small cuts there too. It’s like I just closed my right hand into a fist (not going to punch anyone, promise) and the skin broke on one of my knuckles and now it’s bleeding. I have been using nivea cream and it does make the skin a little better but not for long, it’s a pain and an inconvieniance having to reapply it. I have ordered some moisturiser and gloves set, maybe if I wear the gloves everynight with the cream it’ll help. I dunno, but will try anything.

Onto other news my contract ends with Virgin Mobile pretty soon and I’m moving to Orange. I have been looking over provider sites for the past few days and I am naturally indecisive, so this was a hard decision! I have been paying £20 for 150 texts and 150 minutes, sometimes changing it to £25 for 300 minutes and 300 texts but I almost always end up going over my limit and anyway it’s just turning out expensive. I’m more of a texter than a caller and 200 minutes + unlimited texts each month for £19 sounds great! I picked out the Samsung Soul u900 phone, it’s pink, it looks sweet!

Tags: life, technology, weather

Red Cross and Snow (unrelated, almost!)

I know, I know. I really must update this more regularly, I want to and I do GO to then but then I wonder if what I say is really interesting or a load of crap. Haha Probably the latter. But anyway, I do like writing here and at the end of the day I guess it is my blog so if it’s a load of rambling words then that’s what it’ll be. =)

I have been pretty busy lately, I’ve been working where I am now for over a year and the past few weeks has been the busiest period yet. I have had some time off lately, and I needed it but I’m glad to be back in work now, makes me feel like I do have some use.

I was providing first aid cover at the Britain’s Got Talent auditions on Monday. It was a busy day but so cool to see behind the scenes and actually meet the presenters and judges! Driving there was a complete nightmare though because there was heavy snow thoughout the night around the valleys etc which meant the A48 was even more delayed than normal so I got to the location a bit later than I should have. When I finally got there I missed the turning for the car park so I had to go back around the block, in the middle of the city centre which was at a standstill. *Sighs* Everytime I go somewhere I don’t know, I ALWAYS take a wrong turning or something. Seriously. Even with a flaming sat nav!

Anyway the day went well, nothing exciting as far as first aid is concerned but it was a good day. I had my photo taken with Stephen Mulhern which was awesome, when I saw him my jaw dropped to the floor he’s a lot more handsome in real life than what he looks like on the TV! Simon Cowell really is as short as the TV makes him out to be (but then you do see him quite often with a tall model of some sort on his arm), Amanda was wearing a lovely white dress but you could really see how thin she was, could do with eating a bit more chocolate! Piers winked and smiled at us and Ant and Dec are lovely. Woot!!

I’m going to Coventry to play dead in April, I’m still sorting out the transport and accomodation with the Red Cross but it looks like they’re going to give me their pool car! It’s the first time I’ll have drove that car and I’m a little apprehensive about it… if it was going to the racecourse or something I wouldn’t mind as that’s like 20 miles away, but Coventry is a 2 and a half hour drive! Anyway to elaborate it’s a Casualty Simulation course, I’ll learn how to be a casualty and help trainers on their courses.

The snow was pretty bad here during the night. It started about 11pm pretty heavy and I hoped it would have melted away by this morning as I had to drive to work. But it hadn’t. I decided I wasn’t going to be one of the 25% of people who stayed home from work today and set off in my thermals. My first time driving in the snow, and the first corner I took I skidded. Only a small skid but gee snow is dangerous! Thankfully my route to work is pretty straight and it snowed for most of the day but it’s all gone now. Snow is pretty and all, but that’s as far as it goes. The UK comes to a TOTAL standstill when we get a bit of snow, I bet other countries look at us and think, “you bunch of wimps!!”

Tags: driving, life, red cross, thoughts, weather

Trauma

I thought I’d type up an entry to let you know what else has been going on. Early January I went on a Trauma course for the weekend, on Monday morning I woke with aches in muscles I didn’t know existed. The course had an extremely practical nature and we were outside for quite a bit of it in the cold, wet weather. The Trauma course is an advanced course for people in the Red Cross who want to become Paramedic Crew in the ambulances. It involves more hands-on stuff having to see to head, abdominal, spinal injuries as well as fractures and other bits and pieces and we play with monitoring equipment too. If I go into the course in depth I would be here all night but my brain and body hasn’t had that much exercise for months! Playing with the long boards was fun. Goodness me I don’t think I have ever sweated as much. We walked in on one of numerous senarios faced with someone who, by looks of, fell off a chair (of course) so we suspected spinal injuries and played the safe route and got her on the board. We had to use a scoop first and anyway it took us about 40 minutes in total to imobilise the ‘casualty’ on the board. Hard work. Very hard work!

I was really nervous at first because everyone else on the course had been on the course before, but it was my first time and they were a lot more experienced than me.. it wasn’t a full course either, technically, I shouldn’t have been on it but my service manager knows I want to get on the ambulances and sit my IHCD so he arranged so I could go on it.

Anyway I thought I’d have to wait until June/July to sit the full course but apparently if I’ve done the practical side and feel confident enough to go with it, all I need now is learn the theory (body works, anatomy etc) then I can sit the IHCD exam in April.

Tags: life, red cross, thoughts

Meh

Well as many of our friends know (I’m friends with most of Callums friends, and vice versa), we have split up. I won’t go into all the details here but we’re still on talking terms, which is good. I feel really crap about the whole thing to be honest, my heart is conflicting with my head and normally I listen to my heart but I’ve decided to go with my head and think it’s the right thing to do. Thinking you’re ‘right’ doesn’t always make you happy though, certainly isn’t the case here.

2009 has got off to such a crap start, my head feels overwhelmed with everything and I can’t think straight. I don’t know what I’m doing, where I’m going, what to do next or anything. Was hoping to make this year productive but now… I feel so unmotivated, it’s hard. Really hard. Got my payslip today too and was expecting a decent one as I’ve worked all through Christmas, full time, including triple pay for Christmas/New Year but what I got paid was absolutely appauling. The worst payslip I have had since I’ve been there.

When are things going to go right? Seriously. NOTHING has gone right.

Yes, I’m in one of them moods. Ignore me.

Tags: feelings, jobs/careers, life, people, thoughts

Life is fragile

Quite a few things have happened since my last entry, maybe I’ll type it all up in a next entry but today my mind is fixated on a certain thing and I just need to get it out, I guess. I do enjoy my job, but sometimes it can be depressing and emotional and sometimes, certain things happen that really make you think and you leave work but your head is still there. Of course it’s important to be able to detach yourself from your work and to unwind when you get home, normally I can do this, but when I see the same people everyday, you do grow a bond with them no matter how hard you try not to; you do care about them, you do want to ensure they are kept healthy, you do talk to them, you do laugh with them, you are friends with them. For some of them, we are the closest thing they have to family.

When you see someone slipping down that slope of a serious illness it is a horrible thing to witness. When they’re going through all sorts of different treatment but still carry on with their daily life, laughing and joking, asking you HOW YOU ARE, when it is them putting on the brave face through what is a terrible time. When inside they are so tired they can hardly keep their eyes open and they feel so ill, makes you realise just how strong we, as a species, really are.

Past few days this lady hasn’t been eating nor drinking much, we have tried to encourage, sat next to her and talked while she was sipping the tea or taking a few mouthfuls of food. Today this lady is so weak, she couldn’t move out of bed, she said today, “I don’t want food. I don’t want water. I want to die. I’ve had enough, I just want to die”. She has stopped taking her medication (her own decision), and her course of chemotherapy has been stopped. Tomorrow the doctor/nurse is going to set up a syringe driver and judging from her current condition we’ve been told she has a week, or possibly 2 weeks left to live.

It’s hard, sometimes we’re faced with hard situations but we have comfort in knowing the last few weeks of her life we will be there for her and she need not be alone. She’s scared, weak, but deep down just wants it to be over, she’s been fighting for so long. Now she feels it’s time to give up.

Life is fragile, every life needs to be handled with care.

Tags: life, people, thoughts