Well now it’s the end of the Noughties and the start of the… Tenss? Teenies? OK I know Teens refer to 13+ but perhaps 2010 – 2012 could be called the Tweenies, you know, the preadolescence stage. I dunno either way it’s a new year, in a new decade! Unfortunately I was working all through Christmas and New Year and on New Years Day I was working for 7am. I had to write the date and didn’t I get into a muddle!?? 01/01/10, 01/10/01, 10/01/01, 01/01/10. HALLELUJAH!!! I know I got it right first, but it looked so wrong I had to re-write it 4 times to make it register.

Even though I was on the rota to work I had a fabulous New Year, I can easily say it was the best one I have ever had thanks to Jim. He came down a few days after Christmas and stayed until the 8th January. He was going to go home a few days earlier but we had really heavy snow so he stayed (Thank you Heavens!! ) We had a lovely time and each time we see each other the more we get on and the harder it is to say goodbye. The distance is a pain but the feelings I have for him are so strong and I really do want to be with him all the time, and I’m sure the feeling is mutual.

I have exams coming up this week. It has been tough and go because Wales, and indeed, the whole country, has been hit with heavy snow. The roads here are a lot better now thankfully, except the side roads, the paths and pavements are still icy though. The college had been shut all last week and I was absolutely GUTTED because I was relying on that week for revision lessons, the snow really couldn’t have been worse timing. I used to love the snow as a kid, but now as I do a lot of driving I absolutely HATE THE STUFF!!!

Oh well I had better go and study some more. See yaz.

Only went a few feet and I felt a dip and I thought “Oh no” (well, words to that effect…) and I was totally and utterly stuck. I started off in 2nd gear, nothing. I thought I’d try once more and nothing happened, sat there for a few seconds then I thought 10 thousand birds flew over my car, the entire car was PLASTERED in mud.

I step out of the car into mud, bearing in mind I was wearing slip on shoes and black socks… my shoes turned into boats. There was this guy parked not far away and I shouted and asked if he would mind giving me a hand as I had work in 30 minutes and he said, “No you’re alright love”…. thanks!! So then I had no choice but to abandon the car and go back to the college reception and ask for her help.

On the phone, she called tutor after tutor (all male, of course!!), and most of them were still teaching except this one guy who said, “I have towed 20 students out of the mud today and I’m not doing anymore, it’s not my problem”… thanks to you too!!

Anyway she got hold of this guy and he and one of his students met me at my car. As soon as he got the tow ropes out the doors of college totally opened and everyone was pouring out, and it felt like my car was involved in a circus preformance! “Oh man, look at that car *sniggers*, totally stuck there”…

Anyway my car got towed out to a “hurray!” from the audience and I drove off to meet another carer who I was going to peoples houses with (I do home care). I had to take my socks off and rinse them outside the car, and she gave me some wet wipes to go over my shoes and trousers… “you can’t go in peoples homes like that….” …. I had no intention of doing so!!!

I was 30 minutes late for my first call, which of course then meant I was 30 minutes late for every call I had this evening.

To top it all I bought a sandwich from the college cafe and I didn’t have time to eat it. I got out of my newly coloured brown car after a draining shift and I dropped the sandwich on the floor. Excellent!

Haha Time for bed I think!!

So yeah back to college now and to say it’s giving me a headache is an understatement. I’m finding Chemistry incredibly difficult at the moment and spent practically all day yesterday trying to get my head around ‘moles’, molecular masses and how to calculate volume of moles in a solution and basically hardcore chemistry. No faffing about this is the core of what chemistry is all about and it’s so difficult!!

To make matters worse I have a new job (yay me!), but it means I will need to miss two lessons coming up so that I can attend a training course I need to go on, two lessons doesn’t sound like much but it is really. I do study a lot outside of the class though which is in my favour.

Jim came down last night and it’s so good to see him again, it really is. I miss him a lot when he’s away and I just feel much more content when he is here. He bought us a curry earlier which definitely warmed us up in this cold weather and now dad and Jim are watching the footy while I go out every now and then, taking photos of the fireworks as it’s Bonfire Night.

If the photos are any good, I’ll upload them.

Toby was managing well with the fireworks until about 30 minutes ago and now he is shaking like a leaf. Poor little thing. I’m finding it hard to type as he is sitting next to me on the sofa, leaning against my arm, just now he was laying by me trying to get his head under the laptop to hide. He’s getting a lot of cuddles tonight.

my psychology teacher is also my personal tutor. Last week we have one to one meetings with our personal tutor to talk about how college is going, any problems etc before half term (which starts tomorrow, yay!!). The meetings are 15 minutes long and I went for mine and the guy who’s “appointment” was before mine was still in the room. As I sit down he asks if it’s ok if he could stay and I said yes, even though I didn’t really want to. The personal tutor was fine with it, and didn’t say otherwise so I just went along with it because I didn’t want to be rude. In all actuality I wish it really was ‘one on one’ so I could talk to my tutor properly. I am struggling. I’m finding the work hard and I’m just about keeping on top of it and I wanted to talk to my tutor about one of my lecturers but I couldn’t when this guy was in the room. Whenever I started talking about something, he’d butt in then he’d talk and go off on a tangent and in the end I thought what’s the point? To be honest I was bitterly disappointed by it. I had my counselling session in college on monday and I mentioned it to her, and she said I could still talk to my tutor or just unload onto her, which I did.

I think I’ve missed something out of this blog so you’re probably a bit confused… A few weeks ago I brokedown in college, I have so much going on I ended up telling all to my personal tutor and she refered me to the college counsellor. I told her I already see a counsellor but I didn’t have an appointment for another few weeks, and she said the wait was too long so I’ve been seeing my college counsellor every week (twice, so far) as well as my other counsellor (who I see roughly 4 – 6 weeks). I’m not sure what to do with my other counsellor… we have a ‘review session’ coming up to decide to stay counselling or not. Seeing as I’m seeing the college counsellor every week for a while I’m not sure if I should carry on with the other one? I don’t know.

So yeah Autumn is here, I do like this season a lot. The leaves falling from the trees, the park full of reds, oranges, browns, the sun shining on the fresh, cold mornings. Ok I draw the line there because I HATE the cold, but as long as the sun is out – I can tolerate it. I actually wore my scarf yesterday for the first time this year. A fly keeps circulating my coffee. STAY AWAY OR YOU WILL GET IT. I likes my coffee.

That reminds me – I was in the kitchen earlier and I heard Toby’s paws hitting the tiled floor and I thought he was playing with his ball or something (or a pen, bottle, whatever else – he’s like a baby he’ll put anything in his mouth!!), so I turn around and he’s just staring at the floor. On closer inspection I see a dead spider laying at his feet and the next thing he did was engulf it!! The little carnivore!!! However I’m so proud of my little boy for protecting his mama. haha I absolutely HATE spiders.

Some people laugh at me when I say I hate spiders, and to the extent. I freak out at the smallest size and if I see any in my room then that’s that – I won’t settle in there. At the start of college in September my biology lecturer said after Christmas we’ll be disecting insects including spiders and I said there’s NO WAY I’d be able to catch a spider, and slice it. Even if it’s dead I still won’t be able to touch it, who’s to KNOW they’re dead? Haha. Like all phobias, it is irrational. I know. I can’t help it though. I really can’t.

(Too many ‘m’s in this entry!!!)

Remember me talking about the interview I went to? Well I checked the local newspaper the other day and they’re still asking for people! I really think I messed that up with the hours I offered. I dunno I am trying, and I’ll keep trying. I phoned up Careers Wales asking if they could help and they just referred me to their website and told me to check out the vacancies. I’m going to see my tutor in college next week and ask if the college can help in any way. I really would take anything at the moment!

Not sure if I mentioned but a few weeks ago I asked the Job Centre if they could help with employments or benefits until I get a job but as  soon as I mentioned “college” they didn’t want to know. It annoys the hell out of me that there’s people at home with absolutely NOTHING wrong with them, who sit of their arses all day watching TV raking in all the money under the sun, and there’s people like me who go back to college to get a greater education and can’t get bugger all. Where’s the fairness in that?

I haven’t took many photos at all. I have been swamped with college work and to be honest, I’ve sadly lost interest lately. However today I tried to take a few snaps of Toby but he wouldn’t keep still. I will try again later and upload them if they’re decent!

Oh well on Sunday I’m on another Red Cross course, advanced resus and monitoring. I took it last year but would like to do it again this year. I’m thinking of redoing my IHCD (Ambulance Crew, Red Cross) but I’m not sure yet. Last time I turned into an emotional wreck. Seriously. First scenario I was on was a ‘trauma’ and heck, wasn’t I traumatised after it!! I just could not stop crying. So much to do, little time to do it, time critical. I felt like I badly let myself down. I really felt like going home after but thought bugger it, I’ve gone all this way may as well see it through, and my colleagues were trying to make me carry on.  Anyway I failed, nothing major just small little things but to be on the ambulance crew you’ll gotta be way on the ball. I wasn’t the only one who failed, quite a few did, some were truly surprising. I did pass the theory though, which is great. I’m not sure yet though I’ll have a think about it!!

I’m starting to worry over these exams in January already, which probably sounds really daft,  but I need good grades. I’m totally putting myself into this course because I want to get to uni and do the course I want to do.

Anyway I’m still trying to find work. I didn’t hear back from a homecare agency I had an interview with, which disheartened me a bit. I have decent qualifications relevant, have been on training courses to do with the job and have had great experience. I’m thinking the hours I put down on the application form worked against my favour. I put down a few hours here, a few hours there (to work around college) but homecare agencies want persistance, so that you can have the same clients the same time, every day. I’ve applied for an auxiliary nursing position at a hospital and I’ve got two more application forms for day centre sorta places. I would happily take anything at the moment!

Here’s a photo of him driving my car. He’s a terrier cross, that’s all the info we were given from the RSPCA. Although when I was in the pet shop last week they said he looks like a jack russel/corgi, it makes sense too. The RSPCA named him Pepe and we changed it to Toby. But after noticing how he LOVES his football I’m thinking we made a mistake in changing it! (Pepe is the name of a footballer, goalkeeper, I think).

When we first got him we wondered how on earth we would cope but he has settled down a lot, thankfully. By watching his body language sometimes though we think he used to get hit by his previous owners, for example when you lift your hand up – not to hit him, I’d never hit him – like when you’re reaching for something he runs off and he absolutely hates dads stick which he uses to walk with. I don’t understand how people can hurt animals, makes me sad just thinking about it. He’s settled down very well now though and is a happy dog, everyone comments on how lovely he is. He can be very stubborn when he wants to though. I guess that’s the jack russell in him.

I’ve started college now, studying Biology, Chemistry, Psychology A Levels. I’m finding the sciences pretty difficult but I’m keeping on top of it. The psychology is going ok, I’ve studied a lot of it already when I did my AS Level in in 3 years ago, but I couldn’t carry it on this year for some reason so had to start the 2 years again.

I used to work fulltime in the sheltered housing complex but then I had to cut back my hours to just 7 a week when I started college. I’ve been looking for flexible work to go around my college hours and it would be a weight off my mind if I get a job.

Jim and I are going well. Seen a lot of him over the summer and it’s been great. We’ve done so much – went camping, climbed a mountain (photos here), been to Liverpool, London, Brecon, went to Go Ape for a friends birthday (will show them pics another time), saw Les miserables in the West End, row a boat (another story for another time! ha) Really enjoyed it. This weekend I’m at Jims, why am I sitting at the laptop writing a loooong blog entry, you ask? It’s because he’s watching his beloved Liverpool playing against West Ham (I think, it says ‘W Ham’, anyway!!) I don’t suppose I mind, as long as I get to watch The X Factor. =D

A while ago I found out that my dads girlfriend worked up a phone bill of roughly £600, he didn’t seem bothered about it because he was convinced she’d end up paying – and she never. Now he’s left it be and the bill has reached £700 with additional charges. On the same day I find out about the increase of this bill I find out that he, himself, worked up a bill of over £800 with a catalogue company and to make things worse – he used my name!! So that’s about £1500 that needs to be paid and now I’m not in full time work how the HECK am I to pay it? Let him pay? Sure, I would – except he gets very little income and the money I recieve goes into the house.

When I cut down hours I was really hoping I’d be able to fall back on his account, and maybe we’d get through until I found another job but there’s no chance of that now. Any money he gets will be going towards these damn debts. Why the hell didn’t he tell me before it got to this stage?? Did he think it would just go away?? He used to ignore phonecalls, I stupidly didn’t think much of it – thought it was hoax callers or silent calls or whatever but now I know why. We’re now getting these phone calls where they hangup before you answer and I checked the number online, and it’s the debt collection service for the company he’s in debt with. Apparently they “harrass” clients who owe money until they pay up – how true that is I don’t know, just found it on the Internet but it would make sense.

Everytime I mention the money he gets into a rage and tells me to stop going on about it. I have the right to be angry. I have the right to be concerned. I have the right to talk and try and settle this because he doesn’t seem to be doing a damn thing about it! It’s my name that’s going to get the stinking red mark next to it if it’s not paid up. It’s going to fall on my head and if they’re not paid the bills will get higher.

I’ve got him now to call the catalogue company tomorrow to try and sort something out. Anything. Just get things going and communicate and come to some sort of arrangement. I can’t believe he would be so daft as to let these two debts slip – what was he thinking?? He knew I was going to cut down hours in work, he’s known for a long time. If I didn’t open that letter one day by mistake I wouldn’t know to this day! Yes, I’m angry. Sorry, needed to vent and tried to contain my language while I was at it.

I’ll update with what’s been going on lately tomorrow. Explain why I’ve cut my hours down and my new start in college.