Mum and Money

The meal today went surprisingly well, we had a good chat about a lot of things and the meal was yummy too. Mixed grill followed by Chocolate brownie sundae with chocolate sauce, cream and ice cream. Was yummy but I felt so sick afterwards! I ended up talking about my dads relationship with L and how they plan to marry and move in together when she returns from her home country (she needs to go back next month for a court case), which could be a few months time. I told her when they move in together I will most likely end up moving out because I know I won’t be able to live in the environment, it will be too weird, especially with a little kid running around. We were talking about rent and I was saying I won’t be able to afford much considering my salary and bills I need to pay, plus the additional bills that come with renting such as electric/gas, tax etc… she said if I do decide to move out I could move in with her as she has a spare room. I didn’t say yes I didn’t say no, I thanked her for the offer and said I’ll consider it if the time comes… the concept of moving in with her is strange, I’d really need to think about it but it was nice of her to offer, regardless.

Speaking of money I am more concerned about my job now than ever. We changed employers last week and I should have got two payslips… one from my last employer and my new employer but I only got payslip from my last employer. I’m worried now that I’m not on their books, they don’t want to carry me over etc… I haven’t been getting any of the letters and documents that my colleagues have, because I was casual, I was told. But my boss told me not to worry, if I was going to be let go they’d have done it by now. But I dunno… I haven’t had the chance to ask my boss yet as I only checked my pay Friday afternoon, I’m not due back in until tomorrow… One day, one month, I will get a payslip where I will actually be happy with it and won’t need to ask my boss “what’s this about? why haven’t I got paid?” One day. Hopefully.

Tags: family, feelings, thoughts, work

Facebook and People

Well, Callum is sitting beside me and we’re both on our laptops, on Pet Society – an application on Facebook. Callum is in the ‘Stylists’ store and is clicking the ‘randomise’ button looking at the different styles you can make your Pet look like, some are cute, others are just plain scary. My ‘Orange Pie’ (name of pet) is betting in the Stadium and has won three times on the trot. Now she has bet on ‘Sketchy’ (Callum’s pet) to win a race and wonders if he is going to ruin her stream of good luck!

I forget I have these smileys… I need to use them more often.

Anyway, today Callum, dad and myself were invited to a nieghbours for a few hours. The family only recently moved to the UK from Europe and they are a lovely family. They are quite a big family and only 2 of them speak good English (the others know bits and pieces) so these two ended up doing the translating for the family. They were showing us their family video and shown us around the house, invited us to stay for lunch but we said we would another time.

I’m tired today, and my cough is still there it’s driving me crazy. I still can’t taste food which is annoying especially as it’s Christmas and there’s all sorts of yummy food around.

Hmm… “Sketchy finished in third place”. Ruining my lucky run.

Tags: christmas, health, life, people, thoughts

Work and Stuff

Current Mood: Tired

Wow, what a day… work as stressful and I didn’t stop. Started almost as soon as I started work when I walked in a flat to see a tenant on the floor, not moving or talking. I was concerned but felt a sense of relief when I heard moans and groans and incoherant sounds coming from here. She said she felt sick and was vomiting on the carpet so I asked her if she fell, did she hurt herself/in any pain, did she bang her head and she said no, she just fell. My senior arrived and we had to call in my colleague to help out so there were three of us with her. It was a difficult task getting her up off the floor (she was laying in the most uncomfortable of positions) and onto a bed, we did use an inflatable cushion but she concerned me a lot, looks like she had a possible stroke.

Another tenant is dying, in complete heart failure and there is absolutely nothing we can do for her, and it has upset the staff as well as her fellow nieghbours who know about it (her friends). She is a lovely, lovely lady who has a wonderfully supportive family (unfortunately, it’s not the case with a lot of the others…), she is so weak, this lady knows she is dying, the way she talks and I honestly think people do know when it is ‘their time’. Today my boss spoke to her at length and she will not go into hospital, to be honest I can understand her. This lady knows everyone and they think of us, the staff, as good friends, family, people they know. No one wants to die in hospital on their own and possibily down to one of the numerous infections floating about on the wards… It just makes me so sad, I really, really hope she makes it through to the new year, I think that is what this lady is fighting for.
You feel useless but I think in times like this they just appreciate the company and care, my job is rewarding but at the same time you just cannot help but get attached to the tenants and you do think of them as friends so at times it can be depressing.

There’s quite a few tenants who are ill, between going back and forth to their flats and serving up the Boxing Day 3 course lunch it has been busy… my colleague asked if I wanted to go out tonight but I was so tired I said I’d rather stay in and do nothing. Ha, right. As soon as I got home I was back out at Tescos shopping (food shopping, not ‘January Sales’, they can kiss my ass). Then I cleaned up the living room. Then I cleaned the gerbil cage, and cooked the dinner, set up the new DVD player. Now I’m drinking a glass of wine.

Providing first aid cover tomorrow at the Welsh National, you may see me on the TV

Tags: christmas, red cross, thoughts, work

Christmas Speak

Today I was on the early shift and actually got there before the night girl left, it’s strange when I’m on that shift, because firstly I’m not used to it and secondly it’s a Sunday which means a 3 course lunch and thirdly the weekend staff work differently to those in the weekdays, only slightly, but still, routine is routine.

It’s that time of year when my knuckles are red raw (no I haven’t been punching anyone) and my nose is red and sore (no, I haven’t been punched), it’s the weather. It makes my skin crack and it becomes so, so sore. I did have hand cream which I was going to take to work with me this morning. I bought it downstairs and then it just… disappeared. I seriously cannot find it anywhere. Whenever I’m cold it’s my nose that catches it. Like right now, I’m not really cold but my nose is, I fear I may be confused with Rudolf when Christmas gets here. It’s not far away, is it?

30th November already, Christmas is seriously creeping up and it’ll be 1st December tomorrow. The last posting date for International mail is the 5th I think, I need to get onto starting my Christmas cards and getting some presents ready to send off… sighs. I don’t know what’s the worst part of Christmas, writing Christmas cards, buying gifts, wrapping gifts, cooking the Christmas dinner, the Christmas carols, putting up Decorations/the Christmas tree, the commercialisation… actually I dislike it all equally.

Anywayz, a good friend gave me links to two other awesome blogs tonight, Random Acts of Reality and Nee Naw Control.

Tags: christmas, life, links

Christmas Talk

Today I was walking through the shopping centre in town and you can really tell Christmas is just around the corner. Santas Grotto was there, Christmas decorations hanging everywhere and Christmas themed music blasting out in the background I felt like screaming. The interior of the shopping centre is white and even that reminded me of Christmas (snow). Walk out of the shopping centre and it’s nothingness, nothing at all is there to make you think it is Christmas. The lights were put on at the weekend but there’s no tree or decorations in the high streets, always used to make the effect. But I think because the city is under ‘refurbishment’ the local council just isn’t bothering, it’s a shame really. I mean, I can’t say I’m a fan of Christmas, but many other people are, especially the children, you’d have thought they’d put up something. Oh, I lie, there is a decoration up somewhere in one of the high streets (can’t remember where) saying Merry Christmas in Welsh, but it wasn’t taken down from last Christmas and I think it’s meant to light up… but it doesn’t. Tacky, huh?

Anyway today I made a start wrapping what presents I have. I haven’t finished yet but it’s a start… I just don’t know what to get people. I like using gift finders on the internet, they are helpful. A site that you may find useful is Firebox. I have ordered a few things off there over the year and the service is great, I highly recommend them.

Tags: christmas, life

Families

Whenever I’m around families I can’t help but feel envious. The families that are solid, get on well together and have a good bond. The families that are supportive with each other and encourage. The families that give us space when we want it but at the same time they’re there whenever you have a problem. I wish so badly my family was like that but instead we were/are lightly strung together. The only strong bond was my step-mum, since she passed away in 2006, it’s just been so difficult.

I understand all families are complicated, and it’s not always plain sailing. Life is a bumpy path on it’s own but family life and upbringing have a lot to do with the life we end up leading.

When I think back to my childhood, I don’t have a fountain of happy memories. When I think back to my childhood, I’m plagued by memories consisting of shouting, arguing, accusing and name calling. Things being thrown, people being hit to the floor, me crying under the table, running after my mother bare foot down the street, begging her to come back (even though she was the starter of many of the rows), being torn between parents, social workers and meetings and being afraid to sleep, incase I woke up in the morning to not be home, but in care.

My mum didn’t realise her own strength, she hit my dad to the floor and a family friend to the floor too, a guy who lived with us for 20 years, I knew him all my life and it broke my heart when we couldn’t move house with us, his brother moved him into a nursing home type place, we kept in contact, but then the home shut down and all the people were moved to other locations. We tried to track Harry down and we did… a week after he died… and the worst thing was, we found out he was living only 10 minutes away from us.

I’ve never really felt comfortable talking to my parents, if I needed to talk then I’d speak to my step-mum and at times I could talk to my dad, too. But now I really feel like I cannot talk to any of my parents (dad nor real mum, considering step-mum has died). My real mum never really paid much of an interest until I was old enough to look after myself, and my dad he doesn’t seem all that interested at all and these days in particular I find him quick to fly off the handle, I’d rather keep my mouth zipped than have to go through rows etc.

After my step-mums death, it made me realise that she was a backbone, because after she died everything family-wise really did crumble into pieces. Every single day is a struggle and I really do mean that, no exaggerate. When she died, a piece of me went with her and I constantly feel empty.

It wasn’t all bad,If I think back hard, I can remember some good time, but the bad times seem to cast a cloud over them. Regardless, I wouldn’t say my mum and dad are bad people, I still love them both, always have, I just sometimes look at other families and think, “why couldn’t it be like that for us?”

I’m sorry if this sounds like self pity, I don’t mean for it to sound that way at all. I understand this is the life I’ve been dealt, and so be it, I just can’t help but feel sad sometimes when I see the typical mum, dad, and kids who get on well with each other and have such a great bond between each other.

Tags: family, feelings, life, people, thoughts

Dumbest 2 hours of my life

Ha, yes, it just gets better.

Yesterday I was talking to a tenant and her friend who was visiting, in her flat. This tenant had a bad chest infection and her friend said, “we are waiting for a coughing fit”. I *totally* misinterpreted what she said and I thought she meant “coffin fit” It didn’t click until about 2 hours afterwards and I was pretty embarrassed. My brain has a lot to answer for.

Tags: jobs/careers, life, people, thoughts

Christmas Tragedies

No escaping from the tragedies, even at Christmas:

A LITTLE girl was killed when she rode her quad bike Christmas present into a head-on collision with a Range Rover.

Elizabeth Cooke, seven, was following her father Gary’s car when the Boxing Day tragedy unfolded on a quiet country road.

Elizabeth was taken home after the accident before an ambulance rushed her to Broomfield Hospital in nearby Chelmsford, but was later pronounced dead. No one else was injured.

Last night officers were still investigating the crash which happened less than a mile from the family’s home, Bluebell Farm, on an unlit 60mph lane after dark. A spokesman for the Essex force said it was illegal for a person under the age of 16 to ride a quad bike on a public road.

Read more here: Daily Express

The bike the 7 year old was using is capable of reaching 40mph. Also, most updated news is that the driver of the Range Rover tested negative for drink/drugs and the childs parents are facing criminal charges – good. Ridiculous that they’d allow their kid to ride one of them things, she was only seven years old for crying out loud. I understand they, like any other parent, would want to get their kids expensive, fun gifts but there’s a line to it, and this was over the line. Nevertheless, this story made me feel really sad, for all people involved. RIP Elizabeth, such a shame her life was cut so short at the most magical time of the year.

Tags: christmas, news, people

Not feeling well

I was going to update last night but when I got home from work I felt so ill I didn’t feel like it. Work was a little boring last night; seeing as it was Christmas day there was a buffet from 5:30pm onwards and the bar was open until 10pm, so we spent 5 hours in the same room and it was pretty quiet as many people went out with relatives etc

I developed a headache at work and when I finished my shift I drove home and felt myself feeling gradually worse. Went to bed at 11pm and woke up numerous times during the night. My mum got me a bath robe which is so warm, I put it on at 3am and slept in it hehe was nice and cosy. This morning, though, my throat is killing me, I keep coughing and I have a blocked nose so I’m dreading work as I can hardly talk hehe

Anyway, I’ll end here. Bye all!

Tags: christmas, health

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Here’s hoping you have a fantastic day!

Well, Christmas day doesn’t feel like Christmas day for me. Woke up this morning and just didn’t feel like getting out of bed at all, but I dragged myself out, came downstairs and opened presents with my dad. I got some nice gifts, a sat nav, sweets, chocolates, some money, clothes and a few watches (not all from dad – clothes and money from my mum and her family). We have had Christmas dinner (with chicken – not turkey, dad doesn’t like turkey and I’m not fussed). Not in a Christmas mood today, haven’t been in a Christmas mood at all really this year! Got work this afternoon – starting at 4:15pm instead of 3:15pm. I think there’s a buffet tonight, too. Well I’ll end this here. I’ll type up an entry tonight.

Tags: christmas, family