I’m OK

Siiiiigh… I feel bad. It’s half term and I should be studying but it’s a matter of finding the time. I’m working practially all this week. I was working monday, Tuesday, training course today and tomorrow, then working Friday, Saturday and Sunday – then back in college on monday. Time just whizzes by and while I’m glad to be doing things and I also like being in work, there’s part of my brain nagging saying I shouldn’t, but debts can’t pay by themselves.

Toby is sitting behind me on this chair – when will he realise this chair is for one person? I’m too soft, I know I am. But he’s so gawd damn cute I can’t help myself.

I dunno I’m juggling quite a bit and I’ve got so much going on in my head it makes me feel down but I’m trying to keep my head up, keep smiling, and keep saying “I’m OK”.

Tags: college, feelings, pets

College and Counsellors

Well I have just done a much needed update to the ‘about me’ section. Feel free to check it out! =)

my psychology teacher is also my personal tutor. Last week we have one to one meetings with our personal tutor to talk about how college is going, any problems etc before half term (which starts tomorrow, yay!!). The meetings are 15 minutes long and I went for mine and the guy who’s “appointment” was before mine was still in the room. As I sit down he asks if it’s ok if he could stay and I said yes, even though I didn’t really want to. The personal tutor was fine with it, and didn’t say otherwise so I just went along with it because I didn’t want to be rude. In all actuality I wish it really was ‘one on one’ so I could talk to my tutor properly. I am struggling. I’m finding the work hard and I’m just about keeping on top of it and I wanted to talk to my tutor about one of my lecturers but I couldn’t when this guy was in the room. Whenever I started talking about something, he’d butt in then he’d talk and go off on a tangent and in the end I thought what’s the point? To be honest I was bitterly disappointed by it. I had my counselling session in college on monday and I mentioned it to her, and she said I could still talk to my tutor or just unload onto her, which I did.

I think I’ve missed something out of this blog so you’re probably a bit confused… A few weeks ago I brokedown in college, I have so much going on I ended up telling all to my personal tutor and she refered me to the college counsellor. I told her I already see a counsellor but I didn’t have an appointment for another few weeks, and she said the wait was too long so I’ve been seeing my college counsellor every week (twice, so far) as well as my other counsellor (who I see roughly 4 – 6 weeks). I’m not sure what to do with my other counsellor… we have a ‘review session’ coming up to decide to stay counselling or not. Seeing as I’m seeing the college counsellor every week for a while I’m not sure if I should carry on with the other one? I don’t know.

Tags: college, life

Autumn is here (and I hate my keyboard)

Okidokes before I start I just need to say something. For some wierd reason, the ‘m’ on my laptop keyboard isn’t working, so whenever I want to type a word with ‘m’ in it I need to copy/paste it. So frustrating haha So if I’ve typed a word that looks incorrect then I’ve probably missed a ‘m’ (either that or I just suck at typing today!!)

So yeah Autumn is here, I do like this season a lot. The leaves falling from the trees, the park full of reds, oranges, browns, the sun shining on the fresh, cold mornings. Ok I draw the line there because I HATE the cold, but as long as the sun is out – I can tolerate it. I actually wore my scarf yesterday for the first time this year. A fly keeps circulating my coffee. STAY AWAY OR YOU WILL GET IT. I likes my coffee.

That reminds me – I was in the kitchen earlier and I heard Toby’s paws hitting the tiled floor and I thought he was playing with his ball or something (or a pen, bottle, whatever else – he’s like a baby he’ll put anything in his mouth!!), so I turn around and he’s just staring at the floor. On closer inspection I see a dead spider laying at his feet and the next thing he did was engulf it!! The little carnivore!!! However I’m so proud of my little boy for protecting his mama. haha I absolutely HATE spiders.

Some people laugh at me when I say I hate spiders, and to the extent. I freak out at the smallest size and if I see any in my room then that’s that – I won’t settle in there. At the start of college in September my biology lecturer said after Christmas we’ll be disecting insects including spiders and I said there’s NO WAY I’d be able to catch a spider, and slice it. Even if it’s dead I still won’t be able to touch it, who’s to KNOW they’re dead? Haha. Like all phobias, it is irrational. I know. I can’t help it though. I really can’t.

(Too many ‘m’s in this entry!!!)

Tags: life

Toby Pics

Here’s some photos of Toby as promised – Had work to get him to keep still! In the end had to bribe with treats.

Work and Red Cross

I don’t like not being in work. I know I talk about it a lot lately to people and I’m sorry if I’m annoying but it’s true. I absolutely hate it and I’m trying my hardest to find another job I just really hope I get one soon. I applied for 4 jobs last night and another 3 today. I’ve signed up on 3 recruitment agencies and uploaded my CV onto a few sites. I applied for another NHS position – the last one I applied for, the day after I got an e-mail saying I wasn’t “short listed” which was disheartening. I applied for another one and this morning I got another e-mail… I was praying it wasn’t going to be another rejection e-mail and thankfully it wasn’t, it just said they’ll get back to me in due course so that’s something to cling on to.

Remember me talking about the interview I went to? Well I checked the local newspaper the other day and they’re still asking for people! I really think I messed that up with the hours I offered. I dunno I am trying, and I’ll keep trying. I phoned up Careers Wales asking if they could help and they just referred me to their website and told me to check out the vacancies. I’m going to see my tutor in college next week and ask if the college can help in any way. I really would take anything at the moment!

Not sure if I mentioned but a few weeks ago I asked the Job Centre if they could help with employments or benefits until I get a job but as  soon as I mentioned “college” they didn’t want to know. It annoys the hell out of me that there’s people at home with absolutely NOTHING wrong with them, who sit of their arses all day watching TV raking in all the money under the sun, and there’s people like me who go back to college to get a greater education and can’t get bugger all. Where’s the fairness in that?

I haven’t took many photos at all. I have been swamped with college work and to be honest, I’ve sadly lost interest lately. However today I tried to take a few snaps of Toby but he wouldn’t keep still. I will try again later and upload them if they’re decent!

Oh well on Sunday I’m on another Red Cross course, advanced resus and monitoring. I took it last year but would like to do it again this year. I’m thinking of redoing my IHCD (Ambulance Crew, Red Cross) but I’m not sure yet. Last time I turned into an emotional wreck. Seriously. First scenario I was on was a ‘trauma’ and heck, wasn’t I traumatised after it!! I just could not stop crying. So much to do, little time to do it, time critical. I felt like I badly let myself down. I really felt like going home after but thought bugger it, I’ve gone all this way may as well see it through, and my colleagues were trying to make me carry on.  Anyway I failed, nothing major just small little things but to be on the ambulance crew you’ll gotta be way on the ball. I wasn’t the only one who failed, quite a few did, some were truly surprising. I did pass the theory though, which is great. I’m not sure yet though I’ll have a think about it!!

Tags: life, red cross, work