ARRGGHH!!!!
My head is all over the place. Seriously. So much has gone on, currently going on, and what is GOING to go on that my head feels like it’s about to combust. I’m trying to think up ways to make everyone happy, ways in which life can be easier and just plain sailing – but it never is, is it? All the pieces to the puzzle are there it’s just a matter of placing them together. But the puzzle pieces are similar in size and shape and can’t figure out what goes where. Maybe this is a stupid metaphor to use but it’s the best way I can explain it. I know what I want, but I’m not sure how to get it.
I want to start college in September, I have an interview on Thursday. Last college interview I went to I was told there’s no point in me taking the course on because my work schedule clashes and I’ll miss too much of the course. I’m casual, I could lose my job in a few weeks, or months – it’s anyones guess. I can’t do a job share as I’m casual and they’ll soon be looking for full-time staff (I’m not sure to get that as I would need to reapply, interview process etc all over again, one of my colleagues was in the position I’m in and she didn’t get a permanent job because another applicant for the position had more qualifications and was deemed more suitable). I’ve been applying for other jobs but got no where, everything just seems so up in the air at the moment.
My head is fried and I feel like crying, I know what I want but can’t get it and fear I never will. I’m scared things aren’t going to change and even if they do I’m worried that it won’t work out or things will go wrong. I don’t know. I’m due to start counselling soon to talk about certain things, such a milestone for me I’m not sure if I’m strong enough. I want to run away from everything. I just don’t know what to do for the best, about everything. Roll on the weekend, as soon as I’m in Jims arms I’m sure it’ll make me feel better.