Work and Rushing
Today has been rush, rush, rush. I have hardly stopped. Had to go to the shops this morning and do some washing and ironing. Booked a taxi to take me to work at 2:50pm but it got here 15 mins early. Taxis are never early!!! I was upstairs in the bathroom and I hear the taxi beeping outside. Can’t a girl have a pee in peace? Haha
Anyway work was busy too and was really sad. One lady there is terminally ill (posted about her a while ago) and today she went onto the syringe driver. She refused to go on when I posted the last entry because once you go on that, that’s it. In a few days, perhaps a week or 2, you’ll most likely die. It is the last resort and is given to terminal patients who are in severe pain. This lady put it off for as long as she could but now she accepts she can’t fight anymore and the pain is just too much. I went to see her today, I see her whenever I can as do my colleagues and she was so weak she couldn’t talk, her small skeletal frame you can tell how cancer has eaten away at her body. Tonight I went to see her before I went off my shift and she was asleep, most likely won’t wake up from it. I held her small hand in mine and kissed her on the forehead. She doesn’t want to go into a hospital or hospice, wants to die at home in the company of people who love and care for her.
This lady has been so scared of dying. Wanted the pain to stop, to give up, but at the same time so frightened of what happens during and after death. Didn’t want to be left alone, we did and are doing everything we can to give her company around the clock. Now she has nightsitters, who I think are qualified nurses who can administer another painkiller when she wants it (as well as the syringe driver she is on now, but from what I understand that automatically adminsiters the morphine based medication).
At least now she is sleeping she is totally out of it and isn’t scared of the inevitable. I really would be surprised if I sign in my shift tomorrow and find out this lady is still alive. Terribly sad. I know we are support workers but we do get close to our clients using the service and we have been caring for her a lot these past few months. I think it’s going to hit all of us when it happens. All I hope for is she goes peacefully in her sleep, no more pain, no more suffering. I hope it’s not as scary as she fears it’ll be.
I’m going to bed now, night all.