Life is fragile
Quite a few things have happened since my last entry, maybe I’ll type it all up in a next entry but today my mind is fixated on a certain thing and I just need to get it out, I guess. I do enjoy my job, but sometimes it can be depressing and emotional and sometimes, certain things happen that really make you think and you leave work but your head is still there. Of course it’s important to be able to detach yourself from your work and to unwind when you get home, normally I can do this, but when I see the same people everyday, you do grow a bond with them no matter how hard you try not to; you do care about them, you do want to ensure they are kept healthy, you do talk to them, you do laugh with them, you are friends with them. For some of them, we are the closest thing they have to family.
When you see someone slipping down that slope of a serious illness it is a horrible thing to witness. When they’re going through all sorts of different treatment but still carry on with their daily life, laughing and joking, asking you HOW YOU ARE, when it is them putting on the brave face through what is a terrible time. When inside they are so tired they can hardly keep their eyes open and they feel so ill, makes you realise just how strong we, as a species, really are.
Past few days this lady hasn’t been eating nor drinking much, we have tried to encourage, sat next to her and talked while she was sipping the tea or taking a few mouthfuls of food. Today this lady is so weak, she couldn’t move out of bed, she said today, “I don’t want food. I don’t want water. I want to die. I’ve had enough, I just want to die”. She has stopped taking her medication (her own decision), and her course of chemotherapy has been stopped. Tomorrow the doctor/nurse is going to set up a syringe driver and judging from her current condition we’ve been told she has a week, or possibly 2 weeks left to live.
It’s hard, sometimes we’re faced with hard situations but we have comfort in knowing the last few weeks of her life we will be there for her and she need not be alone. She’s scared, weak, but deep down just wants it to be over, she’s been fighting for so long. Now she feels it’s time to give up.
Life is fragile, every life needs to be handled with care.
[...] work was busy too and was really sad. One lady there is terminally ill (posted about her a while ago) and today she went onto the syringe driver. She refused to go on when I posted the last entry [...]