Random Facts

1) I have a little ‘birth mark’ on my right hand.
2) I have joined a gym after recently finding out just how unfit I really am!
3) I have quite a few pairs of stripey tights (rainbow, red/black, black/white, white/purple) and have been known to dress a bit eccentric!
4) Photography is one of my main loves and helps keep me sane!
5) When I was younger I fell on glass and I have a scar across my left leg from it and to this day I CANNOT touch it, it goes right through me.
6) I haven’t watched a movie in a long time. Just not interested.
7) Prefer coffee black (or little milk) with no sugar.
Can’t drink tea makes me feel sick.
9) I always wear odd socks.
10) I don’t like wearing trainers.
11) Joining the Red Cross is one of the best decisions I have made, go join! http://www.redcross.org.uk/standard.asp?id=40488

12) I want to go back into education this year.
13) Sometimes when I drink a hot drink I need to have a cold drink with it.
14) My bed = <3
15) I’d rather ironing than washing up any day.
16) Could live on jacket (baked) potatoes
17) I do have self esteem issues and struggle to accept compliments!
18) My gerbils are so cute I just want to eat them <3 (not literally)
19) When sales people phone I enjoy having a laugh with them
20) When I was really young I remember the first two songs I wrote (crap ones, but yeah ), one was about chili con carne and the other was about three cows down by a river. Haha
21) I can’t leave the house without putting some makeup on, even if it’s just mascara, I feel so self concious!
22) I’m into all sorts of music except reggae and don’t mention that ketchup song >_>
23) I like drawing but I haven’t done any for a while.
24) On that subject I have done personal art projects in the past (after I left school).
25) I like mooses, koalas and sheep <3
26) I love socks! And I, for one, don’t moan or sigh under my breath when I get them for Christmas or Birthday, the more the better! lol <3
27) I don’t like odd numbers and if possible I try to ’round up’ to the nearest even. Like when I’m listening to car radio on the volume control I can’t have it at 13 it has to be at 12 or 14.
28) I don’t like mushrooms, never tried them and don’t intend to, but I don’t mind mushroom flavoured food.
29) I was born on 29th April 1988 at Royal Gwent Hosp on a Friday at 9am!|
30) I also like round 10′ed numbers, so when I got to 27 I wanted to round this up to 30.

Tags: random, thoughts

Trauma

I thought I’d type up an entry to let you know what else has been going on. Early January I went on a Trauma course for the weekend, on Monday morning I woke with aches in muscles I didn’t know existed. The course had an extremely practical nature and we were outside for quite a bit of it in the cold, wet weather. The Trauma course is an advanced course for people in the Red Cross who want to become Paramedic Crew in the ambulances. It involves more hands-on stuff having to see to head, abdominal, spinal injuries as well as fractures and other bits and pieces and we play with monitoring equipment too. If I go into the course in depth I would be here all night but my brain and body hasn’t had that much exercise for months! Playing with the long boards was fun. Goodness me I don’t think I have ever sweated as much. We walked in on one of numerous senarios faced with someone who, by looks of, fell off a chair (of course) so we suspected spinal injuries and played the safe route and got her on the board. We had to use a scoop first and anyway it took us about 40 minutes in total to imobilise the ‘casualty’ on the board. Hard work. Very hard work!

I was really nervous at first because everyone else on the course had been on the course before, but it was my first time and they were a lot more experienced than me.. it wasn’t a full course either, technically, I shouldn’t have been on it but my service manager knows I want to get on the ambulances and sit my IHCD so he arranged so I could go on it.

Anyway I thought I’d have to wait until June/July to sit the full course but apparently if I’ve done the practical side and feel confident enough to go with it, all I need now is learn the theory (body works, anatomy etc) then I can sit the IHCD exam in April.

Tags: life, red cross, thoughts

Meh

Well as many of our friends know (I’m friends with most of Callums friends, and vice versa), we have split up. I won’t go into all the details here but we’re still on talking terms, which is good. I feel really crap about the whole thing to be honest, my heart is conflicting with my head and normally I listen to my heart but I’ve decided to go with my head and think it’s the right thing to do. Thinking you’re ‘right’ doesn’t always make you happy though, certainly isn’t the case here.

2009 has got off to such a crap start, my head feels overwhelmed with everything and I can’t think straight. I don’t know what I’m doing, where I’m going, what to do next or anything. Was hoping to make this year productive but now… I feel so unmotivated, it’s hard. Really hard. Got my payslip today too and was expecting a decent one as I’ve worked all through Christmas, full time, including triple pay for Christmas/New Year but what I got paid was absolutely appauling. The worst payslip I have had since I’ve been there.

When are things going to go right? Seriously. NOTHING has gone right.

Yes, I’m in one of them moods. Ignore me.

Tags: feelings, jobs/careers, life, people, thoughts

Life is fragile

Quite a few things have happened since my last entry, maybe I’ll type it all up in a next entry but today my mind is fixated on a certain thing and I just need to get it out, I guess. I do enjoy my job, but sometimes it can be depressing and emotional and sometimes, certain things happen that really make you think and you leave work but your head is still there. Of course it’s important to be able to detach yourself from your work and to unwind when you get home, normally I can do this, but when I see the same people everyday, you do grow a bond with them no matter how hard you try not to; you do care about them, you do want to ensure they are kept healthy, you do talk to them, you do laugh with them, you are friends with them. For some of them, we are the closest thing they have to family.

When you see someone slipping down that slope of a serious illness it is a horrible thing to witness. When they’re going through all sorts of different treatment but still carry on with their daily life, laughing and joking, asking you HOW YOU ARE, when it is them putting on the brave face through what is a terrible time. When inside they are so tired they can hardly keep their eyes open and they feel so ill, makes you realise just how strong we, as a species, really are.

Past few days this lady hasn’t been eating nor drinking much, we have tried to encourage, sat next to her and talked while she was sipping the tea or taking a few mouthfuls of food. Today this lady is so weak, she couldn’t move out of bed, she said today, “I don’t want food. I don’t want water. I want to die. I’ve had enough, I just want to die”. She has stopped taking her medication (her own decision), and her course of chemotherapy has been stopped. Tomorrow the doctor/nurse is going to set up a syringe driver and judging from her current condition we’ve been told she has a week, or possibly 2 weeks left to live.

It’s hard, sometimes we’re faced with hard situations but we have comfort in knowing the last few weeks of her life we will be there for her and she need not be alone. She’s scared, weak, but deep down just wants it to be over, she’s been fighting for so long. Now she feels it’s time to give up.

Life is fragile, every life needs to be handled with care.

Tags: life, people, thoughts

Happy New Year…

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

Sorry to start this entry off on a down note but I went to my Uncle R’s funeral yesterday. Was a little worried about how it was going to go because there is a bit of hostility between a few family members but thankfully all went well. My dad wasn’t feeling well in the church and unfortunately we didn’t go to the crematorium but the service itself in the church was really good, I’m sure my uncle was smiling at the number of people who shown up and how good his send off was. His coffin went into the Church with ‘Simply the Best’ being played in the background, I held myself together through the service and listened deeply to how fufulling his life was and how he would help anyone, and everyone, dedicating his life to his wife, daughter and local community.

Made me smile when the vicar was talking about Uncle R’s love for Arsenal and said he would be disappointed about Liverpool being top of the league this weekend, but then would be smiling at the fact Liverpool would probably come down the same time as the decorations, but then I really started crying when his coffin was leaving the church with Angels by Robbie Williams playing in the background. His poor wife was inconsolable, but then, that’s expected. There were a lot of tears from a lot of people.

The vicar at the service was really good, I think when it comes to funeral services the vicar can make it or break it.

I’ve been to a few funerals these past two years and thankfully, each service was a good service but I have heard some truly horrible stories. One being where the vicar forgot the name of the deceased and ended up calling her ‘the lady’ throughout the service, or when a vicar has no ‘feeling’ when giving out the service… it’s not good… not good at all. I think a funeral is the most important ceremony in someones life and it makes me so angry and upset to hear of anything going wrong during a service.

Anyway, happy new year to you all and best wishes for 2009. I’ll update this blog sometime later.

Tags: family, life, thoughts