Ok, what I’m about to type may be a load of senseless babble but it’s stuck in my head so thought I’d make an entry out of it.

I’ve been thinking, next to love and hate, what is the strongest emotion out there? I guess you could say every emotion experienced can be a strong feeling, depending on the situation, people involved and other factors - which, is true - however I think one of the strongest out there has to be fear, at least for me. Fear has a lot to answer for.

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No, you’re not losing your mind - I have changed the blog theme - you likey?

Well I was due to provide first aid cover at a Red Cross event today but I was contacted at 8am and told it was canceled. I was the walking dead so decided to have a nap for a few hours which somewhat helped but am still really tired - I guess it was a good thing the event was called off afterall, although, the fresh air might have woken me up.

Callum stayed until 5pm, have been playing around with Photoshop & Fireworks CS3, Callum kindly installed them on my laptop.

Here’s some avatars I’ve made today:

I have swapped a shift tomorrow so instead of doing afternoons I’m doing the morning shift. I just want to stay in bed.

I am angry and upset with myself.

Le sigh.

Well, today was a retirement party for two of the staff who have left (one of them left yesterday, the other a few weeks ago). I was working this evenings shift so I had no option but to go (even if I wasn’t working, I’m sure I would have gone anyway to say goodbye to them). I was dreading it, because all the staff were going to be there, all the tenants and there were going to be roughly 80 people there and I was one of two bar staff and argh!!!

I didn’t want to go, but not only did I want to say goodbye I wanted to prove myself to my boss (and colleagues who I don’t see due to different shifts) that I can do my job and tenants do like me and I am sociable and confident (note to others, don’t lie at job interviews and say you are confident!!!). So I go along and people turn up who I don’t know, (past employees), loads of tenants, all the staff including the boss. Everyone was chatting, I just stood there and smiled most of the time. Could hardly move anyway because the room was so crowded, which meant the room was also really hot. I hated it and the 3 hours dragged so much couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Proved myself? Oh yeah, proved to them that I am indeed a loser. Feeling pretty crap about myself tonight (ain’t I always?), angry with myself and I’ve let myself down. I’m a temp, and so badly want to keep my job. After tonights performance? I wouldn’t even hire myself.

Hi everyone? Did you miss me? Yeah? Like a headache? *imagines people’s heads nodding*

Well I’m back from Ilfracombe and on the whole it was a relaxing break. I have HEAPS of photos and I also wrote a diary for the week and will post them in the near future.

This evening I went to the Red Cross meeting in the city I live in. I was a little unsure of whether it was today or yesterday so I phoned up the office in Newport and they didn’t know so they asked for my number and contacted Andrew (the organiser) but didn’t get an answer so they left my number on his answerphone. The woman at the office then contacted my first aid coordinator who then phoned me to confirm it is tonight, then Andrew phoned a few minutes later to confirm it is tonight, too. So yes, it was tonight!

Well, it started at 7pm, at 6:30pm my clothes were still drying and the dinner was still cooking but I got out of the house at 6:50pm and made it just in time. Was greeted by Andrew and another volunteer, and there was only the three of us. A little bit daunting, and to be honest, I wanted to go home but as it went on it went well…

This type of Red Cross meeting isn’t where we all sit around a large table and discuss stats and figures and all that other stuff, it’s first aid based, a place to refresh our first aid and an informal chat about goings on within the Red Cross.

We spent the first 30 mins or so recapping on CPR on an adult and a junior practicing on ‘Annie’ our dummies, then we went onto the recovery position. We then started from the top and did a practice scenario of what we’d do if we come across a casualty who was unconscious - no signs of what happened, no people to give a history, no nothing. So we had to do a primary survey to check if any response and check breathing, check for medical bracelets or anything like that and do a head to toe examination to feel for any abnormalities etc and also practiced a log roll and head and neck stablisation. Was a fun few hours!!!

Andrew mentioned the emergency response which got me thinking… I thought I was on the emergency response team but I haven’t been called out since I signed up so Andrew suggested I signed up at the Newport branch, as it is closer and more convieniant but it depends how big the emergencies are. Newport branch was called out to Gloucestershire a few months back when it was hit with really bad weather and if there’s a disaster in, say, London, if it’s major then we’d be called out for that, too (let’s hope it doesn’t happen though). Anyway I got the form, will fill it out, and I’ll be on the list. I need to go through a few training courses however, and will need to go on senario situations (which sound like fun). That reminds me of the trauma course I’d love to go in in the near future. Apparently, it’s set outdoors and it needs to be muddy. If it’s not muddy weather then the course is cancelled.

I may be going to another race coursing event this Sunday in Hereford. I love being part of the Red Cross