Social Skills
This time next week I’ll be having my first bath in roughly 7 years – wow, that makes me sound dirty. I’ve had showers for so long, I can’t remember what a bath feels like. My dad, boyfriend and I are going to Ilfracombe on Friday the 29th, and I searched in particular for an apartment with a bath. I’ll be sure to take some bubble bath with me and take full advantage!! Not really all that fond of showers, they’re so lame. Yeah they do the job but they’re not relaxing, and that’s what I need to do. Relax, or ‘chilax’, as people seem to be saying more often now. I’m not a cool person. Far from cool. But, not so un-cool that I am hot. No, no. Try going the other way along the spectrum. So far from cool I’m like liquid nitrogen. Yes, that’s better. 
At the end of the day, people are who they are. I know that sounds like an obvious thought but what I mean is, no matter how hard we try and develop social skills or try to improve the person we are, sometimes, some people, just can’t do it – I am one of them people. No matter how hard I try to socialise. No matter how hard I try and get on with people. No matter how hard I try to sustain friendships, I often fail. I am failing. I used to believe that if you continuously put yourself into testing situations you can overcome your fears and gain new skills but my belief in that is running thin. It feels like I have a huge sign on my forehead telling people I am a loser.
The brain is a strange thing, isn’t it? It’s amazing how some people triumph in certain areas and totally flop in others. It’s amazing how we can easily pick up certain talents but fail so miserably in other tasks. Socialising, to me, isn’t like learning how to play a sport or a new hobby such as knitting. It’s in a different league. Human beings on the whole are social creatures so why is it so easy for people to easily take up and learn hobbies or sports, but it is so damn hard to learn how to talk to people, and engage in conversation? Seriously.
Yes, I know I work every day and I go to Red Cross events and I do get on with people, to an extent. I struggle to call people ‘friends’ because, they just don’t feel like friends to me. I mean, I don’t think they consider me a friend – just someone they know. Getting to know. I don’t know but there’s a barrier, that I just cannot smash through. The barrier where I feel totally at ease in saying “I am their friend”.
It’s hard. Out of everything this is probably the main thing that holds me back so much. The fact I’m weak when it comes to socialising, feeling that I am lacking friends and fear of engaging in conversations because I just run out of things to say. Or say the wrong thing. This also leads onto my insecurities but I’m sure lack of social skills isn’t to blame for this entirely. But that’s another issue, for another time.
interesting post about a subject that is close to my heart .. it is hard when you find something difficult that the majority don’t. As you probably know I have had big difficulties in asking women out, and when I thought I was getting a bit further I found that someone who I liked had a boyfriend. That knocked me back a bit and I didn’t really have any great interest in finding a woman for a few months. I find that reading books and other literature does help my confidence a bit with certain stuff, even if I don’t agree with everything.
As for putting yourself in testing situations, that’s a bit of a grey area I think. You could so easily end up getting upset. For me personally I had to work on my inner confidence a bit before doing certain things.
I’ve never really had many close friendships, I’ve held back for fear of getting hurt, I know that much. But at the same time we crave love and acceptance from others. It’s like two separate forces pulling us in different directions and it can get you in a bit of an emotional state at times. It can be a slow process making any progress. Also not knowing what to say and the fear of making a fool of yourself are real binds.
I went to see a relationship coach recently and we talked about various things that held me back in friendships/relationships, sometimes it’s good to just talk to someone.