Work and such…
Haven’t long got back from work. Been a tiring day. I think I’m settling in well. Actually, one of my co-workers said I am more into it than the other woman who started a week before me, who entered this job directly from being a Home Carer which came as a shock, obviously, seeing as this is my first job and haven’t had THAT much experience, although, I guess I have had quite a bit of experience in the caring part at home, then there’s the Red Cross and Manual Handling course I’ve been on.
I am pretty confident about what I’m meant to do etc, there’s a few times that pop up every now and then which I’m unsure about but with a mixture of nosing around and investigating, and asking a co-worker for help, I’m getting there.
My co-worker said people are talking about the new ones (ie, me and this other woman) … and she said the people who work closest with me (I always work with the same 3 people, only see the other staff on changeover and seniors rarely to give us reports etc) think I’m doing well. But, I’m paranoid now, what are the others thinking about me?? 
Oh well, I haven’t felt any bad vibes. Perhaps I’m just paranoid. And I am new – so maybe they’re dubious, because I am pretty quiet in the staff room. I don’t know!
I don’t like the fact my job is temp, feels pretty unsteady, ya know? I know I have 7 months left but I’m hoping a vacancy pops up which I can apply for. Someone is retiring in March but one of the relief staff has already been promised the position.
Today there was a meeting and that went on for over an hour after I was meant to finish my shift, I don’t think the afternoon crew were too happy about that because they only had an hour or so to go around 20+ flats each which really isn’t much time at all. After the meeting I was leaving work and my boss put her hand on my shoulder and thanked me, which made me smile. She hasn’t thanked or barely took any notice of me since I started the job.
I’ve been losing weight since I started the job, am eating dramatically less than I used to and do a heck of a lot more walking. Got up on the weighing scales the other day and I’ve lost over a stone but I could do with losing it anyway.
Le sigh. I am fed up.
paranoia .. yes I know that feeling well. I know I’m being blunt here but from personal experience I can pretty much tell you that paranoia is an outcome of poor self esteem.
I’ve only got rid of my poor self image within the last year, had to take action in order to get my life back on track, in my case it helped to make some changes and start over again. I can’t emphasise enough how important it is to like yourself, and I don’t want you to take as long as I did.
It does take time, and whatever worked for me may not work for you, but I do actually believe that if you make a decision to at least try and improve yourself in this area, then you will find ways and means – book reading has helped me a lot.
But it’s good that you’re doing well in your job, and yes I do still have the odd thoughts of paranoia, especially as I’ve started a new temp job this week lol, but getting better at dealing with them. Keep doing your best. Although I do wish that some bosses made it more obvious if they liked someone’s work.
Heya,
Don’t let the fact that your job is labelled as temp worry you, it’s more than likely that you’ll be offered a permanent position especially since your boss has personally thanked you, you may have had a few days off work but they were due to highly justifiable reasons i.e. your were very ill for around a week or more and the recent loss of Sam didn’t help anyone – I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive when Sam sadly passed, I haven’t been the same at all ever since College started, I’ve had so much stress put my shoulders from College, my health and my Dad, every thing minus my health is sorted now. You’ve been working really hard from what you’ve been telling me and I’m very proud of you, even if I may not have shown it. I’m glad to hear that you’re losing weight, not because I thought you needed to lose weight but because it’ll hopefully raise your self-esteem especially when there’s little or no reason that you should have a self-esteem as in my view, I think you’re perfect and there’s nothing that needs to change about you – I doubt there ever will be either. I’m rooting for you and I always have been since I first met you. Hopefully I’ll get to speak to you later.
I love you.
Callum.