Last night…
Sigh. 2008 isn’t going off to the best of starts, that’s for sure.
Last night, I changed into my PJs, bought my duvet downstairs and watched a movie On Demand to try and cheer myself up. It was going ok but then half way through I just started crying and couldn’t get myself back into the movie. Things get on top of me but I’m glad to know I’m not the only person in the same situation I am currently in, that very few people know about. I am a member of a support forum, and last night, in a space of an hour, I read two threads from two different people who are unfortunately in the same position as me, I wanted to reply and help – but if you’re struggling in that area too, then how are you meant to? Just can’t. I may drop them a PM (private message) later today, sometimes it helps to know that someone, somewhere, truly understands exactly how they’re feeling.
I felt very alone, and very sad. After the movie I did the washing up etc then dragged myself upstairs to bed. Sat on the side of the bed and looked up to see my step-mums teddy, so I grabbed it and took it to bed and hugged it. The teddy is the only item (next to her wedding ring) that makes me feel close to my step-mum, like, she is actually with me at that time. Last night I was feeling low already (not about my step-mum) and when we’re, or at least, I’m, feeling low and upset then it’s ‘easy’ for me to start feeling sad about other things, too.